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Friday, August 2, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

The Challenge of Reviving a Dying Marriage

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 05:05 PM PDT


By Oluseyi Obasi

Maintaining love in marriage is indeed a decision. Please help! Why did my husband change? Who is This Person I Married? Did I marry the right person?

If you have been married for longer than six months, I suspect you may secretly have asked yourself this question at least once. I may be wrong but I think that the answer is probably 'Yes, you did marry the right person.' How do I know that?

Because I asked myself that same question more than once in the course of my marriage and after all that I went through, I have now come to the firm conclusion that I did marry the right person.

So how did I go from questioning to being certain?

I was very much 'in love' with my husband before we got married. We spoke for hours, spent almost every day in each other's company and couldn't keep from staring at each other's photos when we were apart. It was almost a heavenly experience.

We hated leaving each other at the end of the day and couldn't wait till we were married so we didn't ever have to leave each other again.

Nine months after our marriage, the story started to change. I realized he was a normal human being with flaws. I couldn't stand the way he chewed his food noisily (how come I didn't noticed that before?), he was sloppy at times and that irritated me endlessly. And to make matters worse, my love for him had started to fade.

Two years into the marriage, our conversations become a bother (if we found time for them at all), his touch was not always welcome, and his habits were driving me nuts.

I started to panic. What had I done?! My God, did I marry the wrong person?

I went from panic to anger to regrets. And as I longed for the good old days when we were in love, I began to desire that experience with someone else.

I knew I was stepping on dangerous grounds……then something happened that made me question my feelings.

One day, an acquaintance of mine (mother of two and married for 5 years), announced to a group of women I was with that she was divorcing her husband. We were shocked at first, and then everyone started talking at the same time. We all offered our support to her and asked a lot of questions, but I am ashamed to say that not one of us suggested that she try harder to make her marriage work.

Not one.

I wanted to, but I did not have the courage. It seemed every woman in the room was secretly thinking about her own marriage and wondering why she had not had the courage to take that same bold step.

And so, I was silent. But deep down in my heart, I felt that divorce was not the answer and that she had not
tried hard enough.

And then it hit me! Here I was blaming my husband for my unhappiness, and taking no blame myself. Yes, my husband is not perfect, but neither am I. I realised that the answer to this dilemma did NOT lie outside my marriage but it lies within me.

Of course I could fall in love with someone else (temporarily) and it would make me feel better alright. But for how long? I bet in a few years from now, I would be in the same situation I am right now.

This is because the key to succeeding in marriage is not just finding the right person, but being the right person. It's making a decision to love the person you found.

I am not an expert in marriage but my heart goes out to all those who are unhappy in their marriages and still waiting on their heels for the magic to return. The magic can return, but you need to make it return. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NOT just happen to you. You have to "make" it happen one day after another.

It would task you. It would take time, effort, energy, and a bit of wisdom. It may take you learning a few tips and tricks. It may mean doing things that don't even come naturally to you at first. But it is worth all the 'labour' it will take.

It's a direct cause and effect. If you make the efforts to revive your marriage, the results are almost predictable.

Try it and see.

''Maintaining love in marriage is indeed a "decision".... Not just a feeling'' - Anonymous.

_________
Seyi Obasi is the creator of Realities of Life. You can get a free copy of Seyi's eBook - '47 Habits That Prevent You From Ever Becoming Successful'' when you subscribe here.

Funke Akindele On Set With Hilda Dokubo and Eucharia Anunobi

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 05:04 PM PDT


If you're an early follower of Nollywood, these pictures may bring back memories from way way back. There seems to be just one or two waves of Nollywood actors, but there are much more. Ramsey spoke about not having many Nollywood role models, but before the days of Ramsey and Genevieve, there was Saint Obi and Liz Benson. In that pantheon is also Hilda Dokubo and Eucharia Anunobi among others. I'm glad they're working again. See more pictures below.

A Strapless and Backless Bra - How Does It Work?

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 05:06 PM PDT


I initially titled this post, A Bra for the itty-bitty titties, and you know why? I really think strapless bras are only meant for women with smaller breasts. When you add backless to the style design, maybe only the A and B cups may be able to use this. But the pictures circulated by this latest backless, strapless bra design suggest otherwise.



Since some of their models were relatively bigger breasted, what I wanted to know was, how does the invisible bra work? And I found the answer.

It is the clasp of the InvisiBra that makes it different, the firm says.

'The shape of the cups for InvisiBra are unique and the way they are placed on the breasts and then clasped together in the centre gives the wearer support and lift.

'It is the only self-adhesive bra that gives you a cleavage,' they say.

Handwash only, each bra can be reused up to 200 times.

InvisiBras are made from medical grade silicone with fabric or lace placed over the cups.

The stickiness is a special glue from Germany that regenerates itself every time it is washed.

Invisibra say their silicone is medically proven to be safe for the skin.

Backless and strapless bras are designed to be worn with low cut, cut out or revealing tops and dresses. So if you're a larger busted woman do you wear such fashion, and if you do would you try this invisible bra? For those who have used other similar bras, what was your experience?

Ramsey Nouah On Genevieve, Stalkers and His Celebrity Crush

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 05:05 PM PDT


Ramsey Nouah is still one of the top actors in Nollywood, and a verified RML man candy. In this video interview with Emma Emerson of Golden Icons, he talks about the rumors of a romantic relationship with Genevieve Nnaji with whom he acted a lot of love dramas in the past. However, Ramsey is married and regards Genevieve more as a sister than any thing.

Ramsey does have a celebrity crush and it's Halle Berry, who he says he'll never stalk like a fan did him, but he'd probably go out of his way to meet one day, lol...

Exclusive - Natasha Says She Didn't Use A Sex Toy In Big Brother

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 08:11 AM PDT


Former Big Brother Africa Housemate, Natasha, who was evicted from the game a couple of weeks ago, has responded to my question about whether she used a sex toy under Big Brother's watchful eyes in the house. According to the comment she left exclusively on my blog yesterday [here], she did not use a sex toy, it was all a joke to be blamed on her dirty mouth.
According to her, the show's producers wouldn't even have allowed the contestants to bring such appliances into the house, not because of being prudish, but because they would need to be amplified. I don't know if that makes sense. In her own words;


ooops me and my dirty mouth..i never used a sex toy.it was a joke...
the thing am seen holding in my hands is not a sex toy at all...it was just a microphone transmiter take a very good look...ask the big brother crew..we were not allow to enter the house with any machines that would have needed to be amplified.....
please follow my new page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Natasha-Annie-Tonthola/516189381791158 or my face book account is natasha annie tonthola Fatty-nat.

thank u
Below are some pictures from her newly launched pages. According to them, she is already utilizing her BBA fame for good as she recently visited some children living with HIV in Lilongwe, Malawi.





I hope to interview Natasha soon, so if you have any further questions, please drop them in the comments.

Dr Sid Discusses His Love Life on The Juice With Toolz

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 04:06 AM PDT


It is Dr Sid's turn on the couch with Toolz and talks about his girlfriend, not so new it seems, and there may be wedding bells round the corner. Also they spoke about his father, Justus Esiri's death, among other things, including his career and other businesses. See the video below.

Michelle Knight Shines at Her Kidnapper, Ariel Castro's Sentencing

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 03:05 AM PDT


Michelle Knight was the last one to be identified after the three Cleveland kidnap victims were rescued, and the last to show herself to the public. She was also the oldest and the one kidnapped the longest. She reportedly suffered several miscarriages after their kidnapper, Ariel Castro, beat or starved her while pregnant. She is also the only one who faced him in court as he was sentenced to life in prison and a thousand years more.

Though she was understandably upset, Michelle Knight read out her statement clearly in the courtroom just like in the video of the three women earlier this month. At times, she spoke directly to Ariel Castro, telling him the death penalty would be too good for him.

She said to him,

Ariel Castro, I remember all the times that you came home talking about what everyone else did wrong and act like you weren't doing the same. You took 11 years of my life away and I have got it back. I spent 11 years in hell. Now your hell is just beginning. I will overcome all this that happened but you will face hell for eternity. From this moment on, I won't let you define me or affect who I am. I will live on, you will die a little every day as you think about the 11 years and atrocities you inflicted on us. What does God think of you hypocritically going to church every Sunday, coming home to torture us?

In other parts of her statement, she added to the public;

I would like to tell you what 11 years was like for me. I missed my son every day. I wondered if i was ever going to see him again. He was only two and a half years old when I was taken. I look inside my heart and I see my son. I cried every night. I was so alone. I worried about what would happen to me and the other girls every day. Days never got shorter. Days turned into nights, nights turned into days. The years turned into eternity. I knew nobody cared about me. He told me that my family didn't care.

She finished her statement by saying she felt stronger. "I'm finally being heard and it's liberating," she said.

According to court details via US News;

The women suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder from their prolonged torment, Dr. Frank Ochberg, a clinical psychologist who is an expert on post-traumatic stress disorder, said on Thursday.

All three endured "repeated episodes that were terrifying, the kind of trauma that we meant when we define the post-traumatic stress disorder," Ochberg said. "The kind of trauma that you don't escape for years and sometimes for a lifetime."

"You are being infantilized, then little by little you're given what it takes to survive," Ochberg said. "You deny that this is the person who did all of this to me, and you start to feel as you did as a little baby, with your mother."

The women survived in part because of extraordinary, and simple, acts of human kindness between them, the doctor said, even if they will never be entirely free of the damage done them by Castro.

Knight, he said, is "an extraordinary human being. She served as doctor, nurse, pediatrician midwife …. She's a very courageous and heroic individual."

I hear the extra 1000 years is for the circumstance where Ariel Castro is alive when people discover the secret of eternal life or immortality. It's not a laughing matter though, but this man is really a monster.

I pray these women are able to begin to put their lives together after this.

Mercy Johnson Okojie Poses With Husband And Daughter

Posted: 02 Aug 2013 12:02 AM PDT


In anticipation of her second marriage anniversary coming up later this August has shared some new pictures of her family for her fans to enjoy. They include pictures taken with both her husband, Prince Okojie and baby, Purity. RML wishes her a happy anniversary in advance.
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