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Friday, February 7, 2014

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

Relationships and Marriage are about Marketing and Customer Services

Posted: 07 Feb 2014 02:10 PM PST


By Baba Willy

Buying and selling aids the planetary revolutions we enjoy. The same could be said about love as we pay for what we love with what we value. Living is all about exchanging items, services or concepts of value.  Each day millions of people wake up and go to where there is a market for the good skills they possess, (pick pockets included).  Those unfortunate to have nowhere to go will work hard at finding out who needs what they have to offer, in other words they market themselves.


I had never considered this scenario could relate to romantic relationships or marriage for that matter until it came up while chatting with a good friend. The topic was about the reluctance of a certain husband to do something for his wife and she became upset at his lack of enthusiasm and angrily told him that he did a lot more when he was wooing her to which he replied, 'that time I dey do marketing, you don become customer now'.

When the call was long over I began to think about it and found the whole concept funny. Now why should the husband feel he is expected to work hard at wooing and relax once the deal had been closed? Let us look closer at this marketing versus customer services issues a little bit closer.

Marketing

That is what a young man does for his brand as he sprouts up in the forest of the living. He communicates the value of his brand with an assault on all the sense. Strong after shave, brightly coloured clothes and even more colourful language. Exaggeration is the currency of the wannabes and he really is a wanna be. He throws parties and serves drinks, acts the fool and fakes charisma, but why? The target audience must be understood and he has done his homework. When you are the product, it is you job to tailor your virtues to the aspirations of your potential consumers.

The young man knows that his consumer wants a prince for a mate. For what better way to appear attractive to the ladies than to either be a prince or imitate one meticulously. The ladies are on the lookout for the prince for the prince guarantees the fulfilment of their basic heart desires.

It is common knowledge that wealth, shelter, fine raiment and exquisite ornaments come with the territory. The avoidance of hunger, adversity, injury and boredom can be best achieved hanging around the prince. Long term prosperity is also secured for the prince is heir to land and harvest, to good will and treasures. He walks with head held high and gives promise of one day making a queen of his lady.

Children of the prince are all royal and the benefits never seem to end. A real prince does not really need to market himself for the consumers are desperate for the gold standard. The good news is that the prince is but just one person, simply unattainable to most, so the next best thing will be the guys who can act the prince the most.  These are the guys who market their brands with skill and perception.

All hip hop rappers pretend to be princes and many young men follow their skilled impersonations. Coat of arms tattooed on the arm, jewellery, big cars and loads of body guards all armed with offensive weapons. A slight illusion of royalty (without the landed property) begins to ferment giving every Cinderella a hope of a happy ending.  Princes cannot be ignored. 4 Princes come to mind as I sit here in my palace. One Prince puts his agenda quickly on the table, 'I wanna be your lover' then there is another in Africa who sings about the Sweetness of his mother.

Well if a guy thinks mummy is sweet, mummy is royal, mummy is worthy of honour, then  by proxy he would feel all the ladies are sweet, and thus he begins to sound attractive. Then there is the Prince of the air, the evil one who promises the world and gives nothing at all save tribulation in the afterlife and finally the Prince of peace who promises everything good in this world and the in  after world.  (Did I forget the Ice Prince?? Oleku!)It is wise to emulate a Prince for by so doing as part of the package you treat the ladies like princesses while you are in character. Come to think of it, most Nigerian traditional weddings have the groom dressed up in a regal manner. There it is, Nigeria must be a fantasy island!

Now the banks are different. They long for relationships but don't want to be deceived so they give no room for sentimentality and would always ask for six months worth of bank statements from all their suitors. The same applies to the Visa offices and embassies. These institutions have long since found out that the heart makes poor business decisions. But not so in the arena of wooing a lady. Guys imitate princes on borrowed cash and credit cards and secure long term relationship contracts without having been asked to show any documentary prove of income by way of a few bank statements or pay slips. But such is life. Reality and common sense?  Too dry! Fantasy is sweeter.

Of all eligible princes in history, who can forget Prince Henry who later became King Henry the 8th? Of his six wives, the rhyme goes,
Divorced, beheaded and died
Divorced, beheaded and survived.

The prince was meant to be a good catch but tori come get K-leg.  He just kept on changing the wives in succession; killing a few as he went along. Proof that the Prince is not always King.

So, boy meets girl and his heart flutters. He tried to display his charm as a CV will not cut it. New clothes, new shoes and new sun glasses just to watch a film. (Ladies, be suspicious of a man whose entire attire is new. Shows he is wearing a costume for his role that he is acting out).  The exaggeration of influence and charm is also derived from fear. All marketers fear their competition. Adverts on TV really hit up when rivals battle for the market share. Marketing really gets innovative as product producers get desperate. Think Apple and Samsung. Coke and Pepsi. Cat and Mouse. Tension breeds excitement. And there is no more heady feeling for a consumer than having various brands bend over backwards to get your custom.

A slight feeling of importance starts to develop when a girl receives fourteen birthday gifts from different suitors, some taking weeks to plan, on her birthday. Some potential suitors even consult friends for advice on how to woo a lady. They form a master mind group, coach their man, lend him money for fuel, lend him cloths and cars, as they feel they are a team and the babe is the FA cup. The chase is exciting and it gets the whole team hyped. Almost like a reality TV show.

Everyone is excited about the potential happy ending. The pretend Prince's ego now sets in. He must not fail. So he gives it his all. Whatever music needs to be listened to, he tolerates. He starts watching films he cannot stand and eating food that bequests the stomach indigestion. Appears to be witty when he has a toothache and keeps in all his farts to appear poised. Being ill is not an option as there is competition.

He intensifies his market research and gives the consumer what she likes. He tries hard to create what takes Hollywood a team of fifty to create; a feel good factor. None stop jokes, smiles, self-control, nobility and lavishness. The old there is more where that came from routine. Lavish tips to waiters which make everyone think that, there is more somewhere. Unfortunately, there usually isn't more.

They say it takes three months to develop a habit, so when a lady has finally settled on a guy, and started going out steady, he has become her habit. She is now used to him but used to seeing him chasing. Almost like getting used to a politician on a campaign trail and thinking life will always be smiling and flag waving. (Campaigns cost money and money has to be paid back).

So when a guy who is not a prince has over stretched himself for a year in his acting Prince role, he dreams of a well-earned rest. That rest is called Marriage in some quarters.

Customer Services.

Here lies the shock. After the honeymoon, no one is interested in celebrating the new wife anymore and the novelty dies off.  After all, the gorgeous couple by galloping into the sunset should have arrived in the land of happy-ever-after, meaning it is time for another couple to shine.  The master mind team which helped to woo the lady by providing intelligence and strategic support to the erstwhile prince is disbanded and all the princess is left with is customer services; in other words how his papa treated his mama.

The guy steps out of character as least at home, and shows his real colours.  He is free to put down all the acting and sit all day in front of the telly with legs far apart , making sure he has not sprouted a third testicle. This he does by constant self -examination which the right hand while the left hand is on the remote control.

The problem is he thought his beloved was acting as well when she pranced about like a princess. For him the final curtain has been drain on the final Act but the Princess, is just getting ready to become a Queen on the palace. Perhaps the princess should have noted how the prince's parents actually treated each other during her own courtship for all men will revert to embryonic character (forgive my medicine).

If the chap's mum asks fourteen times before his dad hears what she is says and you guy appears to hear before you ask, he is not different from his dad. He is just pretending. With time you would see the wisdom in awarding him an Oscar in his role as a leading man i.e. leading you on.  You might even decide to take it one step further by smashing the statue on his brow, but that is between you and your conscience.

But to be fair, who can blame a lady who had fourteen guys remembering her last birthday for thinking it will always be lie that. Flattery is deceptive, sweet, intoxicating and delusional.  My advice, enjoy the sweet flattery with a pinch of salt for it is a figment of imagination, just an illusion or simply put, plain old marketing.

Customer services can be bad some times. You go to the shop to telling the very nice shop assistant your product has a problem and they don't smile lie they did when you came into the shop on the instigation of that very good advert on telly. They give you a number to ring. After  15 minutes on the phone, and selecting 14 options in succession you are put to someone a thousand miles away reading a  recorded script. They are so incompetent and have the audacity to ask 'is there anything else you will like help with today?'

Now to the New York Nigerian newlyweds I hear about.

'Darlings, how are we spending Christmas? Our first one together'
Dotun is busy with his NBA game
'Dotun. Dotun'
'Eh?' he says not looking up.
'Christmas!'
After three minutes Sarah goes over to switch off the TV
'Dotun are you listening?'
'Please make it quick' Dotun says.
'Where are we spending Christmas?'
'Ah, I don't know o. I will have to ring my mum in Nigeria. She will decide if we are going to Naija' replied Dotun.

Customer services!!!



Babawilly


Dr Wilson Orhiunu
28-1-2014

Molasses - A Short Story by Unoma Nwankwor

Posted: 07 Feb 2014 03:36 AM PST


Twenty nine year old Adesuwa Eremu adjusted her eyes to the sunlight that invaded the room. This was the dawning of a new day, today she'd announce her engagement to sixty five year old Chief Xavier. She was never going to have an ordinary day again.  She turned over drawing the duvet over her head. She wished she could disappear. As a matter of fact, she had many wishes. Most essential among them, was that she had shut her mouth. She couldn't believe the widowed millionaire was holding her to a wager she made six months ago.

There was a knock on the door; she picked up her phone by the bedside, it told her it was 8:00 am.
"What in the world…" she muttered under her breath.

 She made the sign of the cross blessing the Lord for another day, and then searched for her robe. With her sash tightly secured, she swung her legs across the bed. The knock came again, more impatient.

"I'm coming." Adesuwa slowly made her way to the door. She quickly took off her head wrap, freeing her light brown mane to fall to her shoulders. Her 5feet 4inches frame swayed with the motion of the ocean. That was another thing; why on this green earth did they have to have such an elaborate engagement party on a cruise ship? The Princess Cruise Liner took them thousands of miles away from Nigeria. Although she really couldn't complain about being able to see the beautiful city of Dakar, Senegal. Adesuwa opened the door to an elderly woman. Two younger women flanked her on each side. They carried clothes and cases of what Adesuwa assumed to be cosmetics.

"Good Morning, we have been instructed to get you ready for your interview this morning," the older woman said. She brushed past Adesuwa without an invitation; the other two ladies followed and began setting up their equipment.  Adesuwa had no idea what the old lady's problem was but she had bigger ones at the moment, so couldn't be bothered.

Three hours later, Adesuwa was fed and dressed like a princess. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined wearing clothes designed by names she couldn't pronounce.  She looked at herself in the mirror. The number of creases on her forehead seemed to be multiplying by the day. What had she gotten herself into?  She promised her father on his deathbed that she'd ensure their telecommunications company—Divine Communications—not only survived but became best in class. Her desire to prove that she could do anything a male child would have done, had literally driven her to sell her soul. As much as she tried, for the last two years she couldn't turn the company around. She had paid many of the company's creditors or made deals with them but Xavier Holdings proved difficult. Her father had devoted his life to her and her late mother. She couldn't let him down. Not even in death. In one last desperate plea, she placed a wager.

 "If I don't pay you what I owe in six months, I'll marry you," she had bragged to the Chief when he barged into her Somolu office.

  Her pride had taken over that day. Marriage was a sacred thing.  How could she be so conceited? Now he won't let her out of their agreement. Chief Nathaniel Xavier wasn't bad on the eyes, he just wasn't her type. They weren't in love or anything; maybe she could learn to love him. After all her mother always told her tales of how she learned to love her father. Her heart ached. There was only one person who had taken her breath away.

Adesuwa plopped down on the chair as her mind travelled back to her best friend's wedding three years ago. She saw him, their gazes locked; the atmosphere was electric. There was something sweet about his slightly crooked smile.  A group of people separated them but they moved towards each other. She was almost there, until one of the groomsmen grabbed her arm, the bride needed her help. She looked away and in an instant he was gone. He looked like one of those underwear models. His dark chocolate skin, neatly locked hair and muscular frame took over her dreams and recently her thoughts. Not knowing his name she nicknamed him Molasses.

She let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, no use crying over spilt milk."

With sometime time to kill before her interview, Adesuwa decided to take in the sights of the cruise liner. She stood and straightened her multi-colored, V neck dress, to rid it of any creases. Then eased her feet into the black pumps she was given. She had never worn shoes with red bottoms but this was her life now and she better get used to it.  She put on her game face—Emelia Kaden of 'Naija Happenings' was on board to conduct the exclusive interview. She applied a dash of lip gloss and headed out.

 As she made her way down the deserted corridor, the smell of the fresh ocean breeze assaulted her nostrils. She inhaled deeply taking in the smell but her surroundings. The ship was actually a city floating on water—magnificent. She settled for a quiet spot near the mini aquarium to people-watch. In the crowd she saw a dark figure approaching, she shook her head in an effort to clear any residual memory that was playing with her mind. No it couldn't be, she thought.

 "We have to stop meeting like this," Molasses said, sporting his signature smile.

Little prickly goose bumps took over Adesuwa's skin, her mouth fell open. Her eyes bulged threatening to roll out of their sockets, her heart began to palpitate.  She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. He extended his hand to her; she calmly placed her hand in his. She found her voice but couldn't use it because Chief Xavier walked up behind Molasses and gave him a pat on his back. Her soon to be fiancé knew… Molasses?  Her thoughts went into overdrive.  Molasses obviously remembered her. What was he doing here? How did he know Chief? Ha! See me see wahala, just my luck; Molasses will be this man's son.

Chief Nathaniel Xavier rubbed his pot belly and grinned like a Cheshire cat. "I see you two have met."

"Excuse me?" Adesuwa and Molasses asked in unison

"Young lady, I've watched you since your father died. Your devotion and tenacity is one that I admire, so when the opportunity presented itself. I called your bluff, but not for me, for my godson here." Chief Xavier said.

Adesuwa's eyes travelled from Molasses to Chief Xavier. This man was obviously impressed with himself. Did Molasses know about this? She wanted to be angry but the emotion escaped her. Relief took its place.
"What about the reporter?" Adesuwa asked cautiously.

"Emelia is a guest on the ship, so I asked her to cover an announcement—my new investment in Divine Communications," Chief Xavier replied.

"Nosakhare Osaige met Adesuwa Eremu," Chief Xavier made the introductions.

 "Call me Nosa," he smiled.

Nosakhare, meaning, What God has said. She smiled. God was surely watching over her.

_____________
(c) 2014 Unoma Nwankwor

Unoma Nwankwor is Christian romantic fiction author. She resides in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and two kids. Her debut novel is titled An Unexpected Blessing. You can find her at www.unomanwankwor.com

Nse Ikpe Etim on New Movie Role, Marriage and How It Affects Her Career

Posted: 07 Feb 2014 01:30 AM PST


Devil in the Details is the title of Nse Ikpe Etim's new movie premiering in Ghana and online on Valentine's Day, and in the previews and movie promos, the actress is seen topless. In this video interview filmed at her home in London, Nse explains the movie to Ghanacelebrities - why she took the job, and how it was working with director, Shirley Frimpong Manso and other Ghanaian actors.

Nse will be celebrating her first wedding anniversary to Clifford Sule on Valentines day also talked about marriage so far and how she is blending her career with being a wife too. Enjoy...
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