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Saturday, September 21, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

Idris Elba - Humble Beginnings, Being Divorced and The Paternity Test That Showed a Son Wasn't His

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 08:24 PM PDT


Idris Elba looks amazing on the cover of the latest GQ magazine where he talks about a lot of different things. His work as one of the best known black actors in Hollywood has been cemented this year with Pacific Rim, and the forthcoming Mandela for which some believe he'll be nominated for the Oscars. But beyond his work, Idris also gets personal, talking about his background and the two women that have defined his attitude to relationships. Read some excerpts below...


Elba spent his twenties going back and forth between New York and London, looking for work. In New York he would stay in Brooklyn, where he'd work on his American accent at a Fort Greene barbershop called Ace of Spades. He had an on-and-off relationship with a woman who lived in London, and when he was 26, they decided to get married. "I liked the idea of being married," Elba says. "I was focused in on what I was trying to do in my life. And my girl supported me."

But whatever roles there were in America, Elba wasn't finding them. He DJ'd at New York dives to help make rent, worked for a while as a bouncer at Carolines, a comedy club. He and his wife moved around a bunch. "I had to keep going back and forth to New York, to London, to try and make a bit of money real quick." Back in the States, Elba's wife "didn't adjust to the culture as quickly as I did." And he was gone a lot. "We just had a hard time. The next thing you know, we broke up."

The timing was bad; she was pregnant. Elba began sleeping in his Astro van. "The apartment we had lived in together was in Jersey City. So when I left, I was sofa-hopping here and there and got to a place where I was parking it in Jersey somewhere and just camping down for the night."

What did you think when you were laying your head down at night to go to sleep in a van?

"I mean, it was like, 'Fuck, where did I go wrong?' I had a lot of promise in England, you know? 'What the fuck are you doing here? Your visa's going to run out soon. You're going to have a baby. What the fuck are you doing?' That's what's going through my head."




[Idris] says he doesn't live anywhere in particular, hasn't for the better part of four or five years. "I'm like a Gypsy, man." Elba's daughter is 11 and lives in Atlanta now—his ex-wife moved there after they split up—and he and his daughter mostly see each other in places like this: hotel rooms, temporary spaces in New York, Los Angeles, or London. "We've had this relationship since she was 1. She's always on the road."

In 2010, when Elba was doing press for a forgettable movie called The Losers, he began excitedly telling reporters that he'd had a son. In The New York Times, he spoke of the child by name. Soon afterward, though, Elba stopped mentioning him. When Essence asked Elba a year later how his daughter enjoyed being an older sister, he answered point-blank: "I only have a daughter."

Elba doesn't like to talk about what happened—has never talked about it, in fact, understandably so—but today, for whatever reason, he does.

The story is this:

He was dating a woman in Florida, had been for a couple of years. They were living together and in love. She became pregnant and gave birth to a boy. For a brief moment, it was among the happiest times of Elba's life. "The celebration of having a son—from a man's perspective, it's massive." He told friends about it. He told reporters about it. Then came the suggestion—not from the child's mother, but from elsewhere—that not everything was what it appeared to be. "It wasn't immediately obvious—well, it was, because he didn't look like me," Elba says. "But it wasn't immediately obvious what had gone down."

Eventually, Elba decided to take a paternity test, which showed the child wasn't his. "To be given that and then have it taken away so harshly," he says, "was like taking a full-on punch in the face: POW."

And then there was the fact that he'd mentioned the kid in public, the knowledge, even then, that at some point he'd be sitting in a room like this one, being asked about the worst, most humiliating thing that ever happened to him. "You know, the truth is—like, even admitting it, I'll probably get laughed at for the rest of my life. But it is just tragic, and it happened." He looks directly at me when he says this. "But I wasn't knocked out. I stood right the fuck back up, and I ain't aiming to take another punch in the face ever again. Do you understand what I'm saying? It happened to me. I moved on."

In a paradoxical way, he says, it was freeing. "I've not been an angel in my life, either—do you know what I'm saying? So to a certain extent, what goes around comes around. But for me in the future, I'm about being comfortable. That's it."

What does that mean?

"Now that I've achieved some of the things that I've wanted to achieve, I'm not going to be a slave to it all of a sudden. I respect the artist that lives that way. The people that just go, 'You're going to hate me for what I just did, or you're not going to understand why I made that film or that record or whatever, but what you are watching is someone that's living their life.' You know: I'm not watching you; you're watching me."

Read More on GQ

Marriage Avowals - Audu Maikori on Meeting his Wife, Dr Zel and Putting God in His Marriage

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 10:06 AM PDT


Audu Maikori doesn't like being called a Celebrity but that is exactly what he is. As the CEO of one of the most prominent music labels in Nigeria, he definitely has a large following. What many may not know is that he's a married man. Audu Maikori granted an interview to Love and Words blog about many things including his marriage of five years to Dr Zel Maikori. Here are some excerpts...

And how did you meet your wife?
We actually met at a GAP event. You see? I wouldn't have met her if it wasn't because of GAP. She was working at the State House Clinic and, basically, one of her colleagues who worked there invited her and said, "Ah, come! There's this thing, really cool thing we do in Abuja every Sunday. It's called GAP. You just hang out, you meet new people, blah blah blah. Come!" She said, "Okay. Cool". It was Sunday, lazy day, so she came in. She just walked in and she caught my eye. I was like, "Wow! Who's this chick?" [I really laugh at this.]

What was it about her that caught your eye?
Oh, she's beautiful! She's just a beautiful woman. She's graceful; she's tall; I mean, she's just – Have you seen her picture?

Ummm, I think I've seen just one. I haven't really, there isn't much on her. You've done a good job of hiding her.
Yeah, I'm trying to hide her. [Jokes] Please, I don't want to over-expose her as much as possible. [We both laugh.] Keep it on the low-low, okay?

Great! I'm guessing you don't have any children yet, right?
No, no. Not yet.

Any plans to, eventually?
Definitely! We will. This year, hopefully, or next year.

So I follow you on Twitter and I saw an interesting quote that you put up [on May 18], and you said, "They say if love is a dream, marriage is the alarm clock. Well, I am awake but it still feels like a dream." Is that yours or is that from a song?
No, that's mine.

Wow! Great! Good job! Very original. So what is it about marriage that you love so much, and particularly, what is it about being married to your wife that you love so much?
[Pauses briefly] I don't really think much of marriage, but I think much of my marriage. [Laughs] Because to be honest, before, thinking about getting married was a big issue for me because I was like, "Man, what if I get married and I don't like the woman in 2 years' time. I wake up in the morning like, 'Oh God! This lady!'" [I laugh raucously at this.] Honestly, I was really scared. So, it was a "no-no" topic for me, especially [since] you know how women behave: scheming and stuff. So I was just like, "Oh God! I'll just go and get schemed into some unhappy union and, then, I'll pretend that I'm happy.

Geez! Wow! [I laugh]
Yeah! Women are schemers. Let's be honest!

Oh my God! Come on, guy!
It's the truth. It is the truth!

No comment!
Yeah. Don't [comment]! [Laughter] But, yeah, I don't know. You're going to a territory I don't want to talk about because people always say, "Don't worry! He said this and blah, blah, blah," but I simply think that every person deserves to have a partner that understands them, complements them, and that they truly enjoy a deep friendship with. The reason why I'm saying that is that some people base marriage on things like love, attraction and what the society thinks is the perfect match.

Many people do that – knowingly or unknowingly, sometimes. I don't think that's it; I think you need to find that right person– it's like going into a business venture and you need someone who complements your skills: you're good at this [but] you're not good at some other things and, instead of you doing your due diligence, you just jump in say, "Oh, I like the way he looks! He looks intelligent! Let's start a business together." Two, three years into it, you find out that there is so much you don't know about that partner that will affect this business. That's why most marriages crash: because people just – I don't think it's just a spur-of-the-moment thing; I think it's something you have to kind of look at ….

When I was dating my wife….there was just [no one comparable to] her really, in terms of us just complementing each other, in terms of being compatible. So, four years down the line – although in practice it's actually about….eight years – I don't regret it. I think it's the best decision I've made in my life and I'm lucky.

The reason I don't like to talk so much about this is when you say these things and people are just following you, they're like, "Ehhh?? Let's see!" People actually do all sorts of things to wish it fails.


That's true, but I wanted to ask – well, this is why I started my blog in the first place, and I'm trying to cover Africa in general, but just as a Nigerian growing up in Nigeria, I just feel like [this] is something that's not really represented enough. You hear too many stories about domestic violence or too many stories of – I call them useless men – [aristos] who basically chase other women or younger girls around in public, but they can't be seen publicly loving their wives. So, that's why I specifically seek people of your status out just because you have all this influence. [This is] just to give you an overall view of why I ask these questions and why I care about this.

I think that, from that context, you are absolutely right! I absolutely think that you need to also celebrate or, at least, even expose some details that people need to learn about in a relationship. I think that many people start off with too many expectations of the other person, and when the person fails, everything crumbles as well because they are hoping that that person is their Messiah. I feel that there is nobody that's anybody's Messiah, apart from God …. Some people live their lives and they base it on the success of their marriage [or] the success of how nice this one works. You know, you never know because in relationships, honestly, there are ups and downs; there are cracks in the wall and all that. It's not always hunky-dory...

There are times that I know I do things to piss off my wife and I know – I know – I'm being an a**hole! I know it! But at the end of the day, I keep saying something about relationships which is, "What is the track record?" If I do one or two things and my wife knows that is not characteristic of me, then, she should reach into her memory bank and credit me with my past deeds. You get what I'm saying? So, if Audu is acting like this, something is wrong: there's pressure, there's [something].

I think that my wife applies that a lot; but for me sometimes, when we have an argument, I just forget about the old stuff: I'm just venting about one thing!

Over a period of time, you begin to – the first two years [are] difficult because you're trying to understand. What am I saying? The first ten years, probably [We both laugh] trying to understand where everybody is …

The point, though, is that at the end of the day, if you persevere – and I remember that there's something that, when we went for my traditional wedding, I remember that the man that kind of presided [is] called the Onowu of Onitsha. He said something: he said, "I want to ask you for only one thing for me. No matter what happens during the day, at night, you and your wife should kneel down together and pray to God. Every night!" Really, without that factor, there are two of you [and] this [God] is the arbiter between two of you. When all is said and done, you find out that, look, we do mess up because we always ask God for forgiveness anyway. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm talking about myself. [I laugh.] If He can forgive us, then why can't we forgive our partner or whatever?

So, do you [two] do that almost every night, if not every night?
No, we don't do it every night o, to be honest with you; but we do spend time to pray. I can't tell you how regularly but fairly regularly. I tell people that the secret to any success that I'm enjoying is definitely not some brilliance on my part; it's definitely no great strategy or some fantastic education or some family connections: it's simply God! It's simply that!

Read the full interview here. Images from Bellanaija

Nollywood Actress Rita Nzelu Launches Her Movies, International Games and International Attack on DVD

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 08:28 AM PDT

Rita Nzelu and Husband

Rita Nzelu was one of the very first Nollywood actors, and has been in movies as early as 1995. She however, has been quite scarce on the scene after she relocated to the UK and decided to concentrate on her personal life. Finally, she is back to the movies, and this time she's not only acting but producing too. Her first project was International Games and International Attack, directed by Tchidi Tchikere, which premiered last year and is now out on DVD.

Rita, as to be expected, is very happy about releasing the DVD to fans and well wishes and had this to say on Facebook, as well as sharing these pictures courtesy of Nicole Taylor.

May I use this opportunity to thank all my FANS for being very supportive to me for the past 8 years since i was absent from the movie scene, as a result of devoting more time to my Family. I would also like to once again thank all my fans for supporting my movie premiere on the 2nd of November 2012 and continued to support me on this journey to release this new project, after 9 months of waiting for the official DVD release to the movie world. I am very happy and humble and give GOD the glory to say that 'INTERNATIONAL GAMES and INTERNATIONAL ATTACK' are now out with a BANG on DVD.














See the entire album HERE.

Efya's Best In Me - Music Video Romance

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 08:23 PM PDT


Efya is one of my favorite Ghanaian musical talents and this song continues her run with great songs and wonderful videos too. Sarkodie plays Efya's love interest in 'Best In Me'. Enjoy.

Maternity Style - Pregnant Halle Berry Counting Down the Days to Baby

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 02:00 AM PDT


Halle Berry's baby boy is due any day now and she's still finding stylish ways to dress her bump. In this outfit, a black fedora hat gives her black maxi skirt and draped gray top a chic edge.

Quote of the Day - Cheating Isn't a Mistake, It's a Choice

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 01:01 AM PDT


So true.

Emeka Ossai and Wife, Jumai, Celebrate Their Twins First Birthday

Posted: 21 Sep 2013 12:00 AM PDT


Emeka Ossai and Wife, Jumai, waited five years after marriage before she became pregnant with twins. They had the babies last year and it is one year since them. The happy family threw a small party with friends and family to celebrate the happy day for the twins, Jude and Judith. More pictures of the twins below...




The Christening last December

Jumai with the twins on Mothers Day
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