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Saturday, October 26, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

It's My Birthday and I am Ever Grateful!

Posted: 26 Oct 2013 02:13 PM PDT


It's funny, I was speaking with my sister last month on her birthday and how the years are flying by. Today, as I mark another year added to my life, I thank God for bringing me this far. The past few years have been a mixed bag, I've been happier than I've ever been, and I've been sadder than ever too, but in all things, I remain grateful and content, knowing it is a journey and I'm still on it.

Having this blog has been part of the greater aspects of my life over these years, writing, selling my books, blogging, making money from something you never expected, finding out unexpectedly that some people always got your back, I'm freshly amazed and proud of myself everyday, and of those who read and follow this blog. I really appreciate you guys.

This is a busy weekend, but I promise to run a giveaway come next week. I love you all. Mwah!

Ezinne Akudo, Miss Nigeria 2013, Writes on How to Stop Rape and Help Victims Become Survivors

Posted: 26 Oct 2013 11:06 AM PDT


About a year ago, I watched my friend go through the harrowing ordeal of trying to recover from rape; it was an experience that changed her life....and mine as well. Its easier to shrug off certain painful experiences when they happen to faceless names you neither know nor have a relationship with. Most of us don't really understand how horrific such things could be until it strikes close to home; a friend, a loved one, a family member.


One thing I haven't yet understood, despite my numerous pondering, is what the average rapist gains from inflicting such violence on another human being. How can a human being gain pleasure in debasing a lady while watching her go through hell in the process? I know there are all kinds of psychological, sociological and even spiritual explanations for why the mind of a man could be so warped as to engage in such dastardly acts. However, in the face of the reality of the effects on the victim, I must admit that my mind still has great difficulty in grasping any kind of explanation to justify such behaviour.

Everyday I see headlines of rape cases and I'm seriously grieved. Not just for the victims but also for our nation because it seems to me that this phenomenom has become an insatiable monster eating away at the fabric of our society and little is being done to curb its rampage. If you aren't fed up, I definitely am. Which brings me to the most important question of all: How do we stop this madness and help those who have been affected by it?

The key to dealing effectively with any issue is to first of all see it for what it is. Rape is one of if not the most brutal and atrocious gender-based form of violence that can be committed against women. Women are violated not just physically but also psychologically and apart from that, the devastating effects on rape survivors leave behind a complicated tangle of problems that make dealing with it a whole lot harder.

One of the major problems associated with rape cases is that victims who have survived rape ordeals are usually reluctant to speak about it for reasons such as the stigma attached to having been raped, the difficulties faced in obtaining a conviction, fear of being rejected by loved ones and family members, fear of public humiliation and the difficulty of giving a positive or accurate identification of the perpetrator. (It is important to know that in cases where the victim and perpetrator previously had a sexual relationship, the victim's chances of obtaining a conviction is diminished).

Despite these hurdles to openness, there are cases where the victim sometimes confides in another to ease the burden and often their first contact automatically takes upon the role of a counsellor. This may be a family member, friend, police officer, doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. The way this 'counsellor' reacts will, more often than not, determine how quickly the healing proccess is triggered to help victims recover and get over their injuries and trauma.

Now here is a fact; most times, these pseudo- counselors are, more-often-than-not, ordinary people who have no form of experience or professional training whatsoever to provide the proper response needed. Sometimes, washed over by feelings of inadequacy, futility, shock and a vast plethora of human emotions, such people resort to what they think is the best response which usually turns out to be not what the victim needs at that moment. I've had the unfortunate experience of having to comfort/encourage some friends who were raped or abused, and I can assure you it is not an easy thing.

It was almost as painful for me as it was for them. This is not always a matter of empathy, as those feelings of inadequacy strike, no matter how sympathetic you feel. In instances where that much needed comfort and assurance is lacking, the victim usually withdraws, having failed to get the initial desired response and its usually harder for them to open up beyond that point, stifling the healing process.

One of the ways I think we can help in our own little way is to become aware that this is a real threat and that there is a possibility that we might come across at least one rape victim in our life time, judging from the frequency of its occurence. How we respond to these suvivors can set them on the path to recovery.While we work to eliminate rape and abuse, let us see ourselves as part of those who will take responsibility for helping rape survivors.That means that we must prepare ourselves for the eventuality of handling such cases because a task this sensitive should not be taken for granted.

I would advise everyone reading this to do a little research on how exactly to deal with a rape victim. Thanks to the 21st century, you don't have to take a 1 year course to learn the basics as most of these information are at our fingertips. I stumbled upon an interesting resource material on the web that would prove extremely helpful to anyone interested in knowing the basics. http://www.bandbacktogether.com/How-To-Help-Someone-Heal-From-Sexual-Assault/

I urge you to take out some time and check out this link, as well as other sites that have helpful material on the subject. Let us remember that to cause a change, someone must decide to take responsibility. However, there is one person in this world whose decisions you have the most control over and that person is YOU. When 'someone' becomes YOU, then YOU become the change you want to see. May God give us all the grace we need as we make a personal commitment to making a difference and rebuilding broken lives.

Daddy Time - Yemi Sax And His Cute Baby Son, Ademide Gold

Posted: 26 Oct 2013 10:38 AM PDT


It was less than two months ago that Yemi Sax and his wife welcomed their baby son into the world [HERE] and the couple continue to enjoy their time with him. The dad shared this photo and more below taken when the boy, named Ademide Gold, marked his one month birthday. He sure is growing quickly :)

Funke Akindele and Sasha Join FADAN To Walk For Cancer Awareness

Posted: 26 Oct 2013 09:52 AM PDT


Funke Akindele and Sasha were celebrity partcipants in the FADAN (Fashion Designers Association of Nigeria) Walk for cancer awareness and prevention some days ago. Funke shared these pictures with the caption, "#walking for a worthy cause #cancer awareness (Breast and Cervical Cancer)Pls go for free screening @ 118 bode Thomas street,surulere!" Great job to all involved!

A Shout Out To Haters and Losers By Charly Boy Oputa

Posted: 26 Oct 2013 09:40 AM PDT


The other day I was at the departure hall at Nnamdi Azikewe airport waiting for my flight. I was tucked away at a corner, from people's preying eyes, at least so I thought. My flight was delayed so I had about 2hrs to kill. As I reached into my backpack to get my iPad and keep myself busy till boarding time, a man with two teen girls approached me; they were all beaming with the most enchanting smiles I have ever seen.  "Charly these are my daughters, they've been worrying me that they want to take pictures with you" I obliged, as their father took position to capture a golden moment for his two teen daughters.


Before anyone could say Charly, the boy in me jumped out. There I was clowning around, making funny faces, as the girls caught the monkeying around bug. And to everyone's entertainment and amusement, we turned the whole departure hall into a photo studio and a runway, hummm! Oh boy come and see. All of a sudden most of the waiting passengers, teens, youths, mums and dads started to lineup for their own Kodak moments. Na who find trouble now?

It is always at times like this that I feel special and loved, and all I want to do is give back that love to all the people showing me warmth.  Not too far from where I was displaying and forming model tins, from the corner of my eye, I caught a young man probably in his late 30s giving me some very dirty look. I don't think it was his frustration that got his face twisted with those hating eyes that kept piercing my smooth baby skin. Kai!!! If looks could kill, I would have been dead ten times over, no be small tin. You don't need to be psychic to know that the man is not a CharlyBoy lover, but a hater. Yesoooooooo! I may not be James Bond 007, but I assassinated that hater with my smile.

A hater is someone that just can't stand you, usually your success. They hate you for who you are. They are merchants of gossip and all malicious stories about you. They even like to recruit members into their haters club; on the Internet they hold sway. Haters hate you for your accomplishments, youthfulness, attractiveness, popularity, but guess what? Most of the time they don't even know why they hate on you. Some haters come from the lowest social ladder, they are as green and as ignorant as they come, I swear. These "winche" people are everywhere. For haters, hate is the only way they can cope and go on with their lives. They usually suffer some insecurity or inadequacies.

If you are on top your game, you must have haters, no escaping. I rather have real haters than fake fans. It is important to be mature in dealing with these prematures'. Being able to sift through people's envy and bad intention towards you for the valuable truth in their criticism is often a key to being great and surviving people's bad belle and nonsensical jargon. As my head kept playing back some very famous haters in my life and how they chopped all the bull shit and the shenanigans I dished out. A beautiful middle aged woman came to sit by my side. I have been watching you, she said. "How do you manage with people swooping all over you like that" referring to the short drama that just took place.  "I read your articles on Linda's blog all the time, most of all I admire your courage in being your authentic self, how did you build such a thick skin."

If I walk tall, how is that my fault? I live my life the way I please, how is that supposed to affect anybody's peace. Shame if they think I care, shame if they think I would flair. I no send dem atall atall. Free Me!!!

Haters are usually people with little social consequence to you.  See dem, yahoo boys with no laptop. They are validation that you are a big deal. The more successful you are, the stronger, the more opinionated, I tell you, and the less you will be generally liked. But Hey! Cut yourself a slack and ignore haters.

Instead, focus on turning people who like your dream to people who love your dream. I have noticed that the average or the ordinary don't get bothered by haters, only outstanding people, "weird" people, crazy people, unusual people, in short, people who don't stand up never get stoned at.

Haters hate either because they don't understand or they can't imitate. Little do they know that their hating is their sincerest form of flattery. Haters only hate things they can't get or people they can't be. For me sha! I don't have time for haters, I have ignored haters, all my life I just keep doing what I do best, treating others with love and respect always. So! Don't waste your time with this silly hating game! Because dem no  see you dem no send you.
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