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Friday, October 25, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

What Has Been Your Experience at Doren Specialist Hospital in Ajah?

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 03:06 PM PDT


Doren Specialist Hospital commenced business back in 1996 as a clinic, and says on their website that they aim "to provide qualitative health care delivery services to the citizens of Nigeria as well as foreign dwellers at affordable rates without compromising standard." But it seems those standards are being annihilated with impunity in recent years. I came across this story that chilled me to the bone!

Ibilola Essien was a patient at Doren Hospital and shared her experience on her blog so others will learn. Here's an excerpt

My husband decided to take me to Doren Specialist Hospital (his HMO hospital in Ajah). We got there and the doctor said she thought it might be Urinary Tract Infection or Acute appendicitis. Because of the pain they immediately placed me on IV and by the next morning, I had taken like 10. Subsequently they called the Chief Surgeon to take a look at me. He ordered that I do a scan on the 1st floor of their hospital to confirm his theory that it was acute appendicitis. I did the scan followed it with blood and urine tests.

Already, I was irritated with the quality of service in the hospital. The nurses were inefficient when they drew blood, my IV would run out for at least 30 minutes before the nurse would change it, blood would stain the sheets till I begged they be removed. I felt like I was in hell.

On seeing the result of my 'scan' the chief surgeon was convinced that I had acute appendicitis. At this point after seeing the wish washy attitude, I decided to google 'appendicitis'. My findings led me to ask the doctors if there were other ailments that may mask the symptoms of appendicitis. One of them told me he was the doctor and what he said was it. I shut my mouth (abi, it is law I read, I didn't read medicine).

Then came tuesday, the day prescribed for surgery. I was so upset. No one had come to explain anything ( I mean they were about to invade my body, the least they could do was give me detailed information of the procedure, I had a right to know. Didn't I?)

After I had nagged and screamed the hospital down, they eventually sent the anaesthetist to come and give me a 'detailed script' of how the surgery would go down. (Please pay attention to the 'detailed script', it is intended to be sarcastic, just in case the meaning is lost on you)

I went in. I did the surgery. I was bedhooked for 5days in the hospital and another 5 days at home. The experience left a metallic taste in my mouth. What kind of hospital was that? I resumed work in two weeks looking hot like fire and began to live life like nothing happened.

September came ( two months later). The pain resumed. Kai. What kind of wahala was this? Sebi they took out the acute appendicitis? (Guess my enemies were not happy. lol)

My sensitive and vigilant mum called. My dad says I should go to 'Mecure'. I did (they said I needed a doctor's referral). My mum insisted that I go see Aunty Mabel to take me to the Advanced Videoscopic and Laparascopy Center. Everyone was fretting. What was going on?

I went to see the physician at this new prescribed hospital. He examined me and told me he thought it was either a Liver disease or a condition known as Endometriosis. He ordered me to go to a Consultancy and Investigative Center to do thorough tests like the ultra sound, CT Scan & Liver function test.

At the investigative center, they push liquid through my rectum for minutes, pump mixed 'liguids' through my arm. The result comes out. It shows clearly that Doren Specialist Hospital cut out my appendix for nothing.

I take it back to my physician. (Yes my doctor) who tells me to google the apparent issue and ask him questions. (See the difference between the doctor that got it right and the one that did not.) I ask him all sorts of questions. He puts my mind at rest, gives me all the details necessary for a second necessary surgery.

I do the second surgery (a laparoscopy which shows that the appendix site was left in a way that could have messed up my intestines in a few months.) Phew. God is good.

I am not sharing this so that you can ooooh or aaah on my behalf. I am sharing so that you and your loved ones can pay attention to what is done to and on your body. No one knows it all. Ask about everything regarding your health. Pay attention to what they diagonise. You and I can cause a change in the nefarious health system in Nigeria. Speak out.

As if this experience was not chilling enough, from the comments came more narratives about Doren Hospital that would make any right thinking doctor of this hospital ask his staff questions. Here's one of them

Oluwakemi Animashaun-OderindeTuesday, 12 March 2013 20:38:00 GMT-7
On Sunday, May 28, 2006 (a day after Children's Day), I had a ghastly car accident on the Ajah/Epe express road while driving to church. Another vehicle ran into mine while coming at top speed from the opposite direction just as I was about to drive across the road into my church's parking lot. It was raining cats and dogs. It was a foggy morning as the heavy rain made visibility poor. (Oh how I remember that day like it happened just yesterday!) I still don't remember feeling or hearing the car crash at the time it occurred. All I know was, I was on the other side of the road, watching out for oncoming vehicles and signaling with my light to cross the road and park my car in front of church. When the coast was clear, I drove out crossing the road . . . next thing was . . . LIGHTS OUT! Unknown to me, I had passed out. The split seconds just before I passed out (as later narrated to me by onlookers and some church members who saw what happened), a car ran into mine from the opposite direction causing a loud bang heard by all which left a jaw dropping sight and also caused my car to spin several times before finally coming to a full stop. While my car was spinning, my body (especially my head) was hitting the dash board, the window, the car seat and the wind shield. As the car finally stopped spinning and people came to my rescue, they could not even open the door because I had locked my doors and worn my seat belt (something I always do). I thank God for the seat belt because I would have been flung out the window but for the seat belt that held on to my legs on the driver's seat as my body was on the other seat in front. Anyway, as people kept banging on the car and trying to open the car to get me out, somehow, I regained consciousness. It was me who got up from the other seat, undid my seat belt before they were able to get me out. I was in the pool of my own blood! . . .

This isn't really about my accident but really about the hospital I was immediately taken to; DOREN HOSPITAL. My face had some lacerations and a horrible opening that was almost showing my inner tissues. At that time, I was not feeling any pain; my whole body was numb (I guess due to the shock and impact from the accident). I could not see my face but others could and they tried to hide their fear of how I was looking as they rushed me to Doren. On getting to Doren Hospital that Sunday morning, the doctor on duty cleaned the blood on my face and stitched the openings on my face. I was later taken to one of the rooms to lay down as they administered some medication. I remember it was Pastor and Pastor Mrs Otegbade (Ibilola Essien's parents) that broke the news to my parents. As the Otegbades and my Mom and Dad arrived, my Mom broke into tears immediately and requested that I be taken to Premier Specialist Hospital in VI. It was in Premier that I was admitted for about a week. On getting to Premier Hospital, the doctors noticed that the main stitch (the one with the horrible opening) was not properly done. But they said they would not undo the stitch but wait for my face to heal and then do facial grafting. Unknown to me and even Premier Hospital, the worse was yet to come . . .

About a week after the stitching at Doren, my face began to swell. The place where the main stitch was done had become septic and yellowish pus was always coming out. After sometime, I noticed tiny pieces of broken glass were coming out of the wound. It was a painful experience! Apparently, Doren Hospital had stitched the deep cut without first carefully cleaning it out. So I had a lot of tiny pieces of broken glass from the accident in my face, all stitched in!

To cut this really long story short, the pieces of broken glass were taken out and the wound began to heal slowly. The outcome would have been much better if that first job done at Doren Hospital was properly done. That was about 7 years ago, I give God the glory for healing and for being back to my pretty self :-) He he he ;-)

There are even more gory recounts of bad experiences at Doren in the Blog comments. I know a lot of systems in Nigeria are bad, and if there are two systems that suffer the most when resources are poor, it is health and education. But it is painful that when called to own up to their shortcomings, rather than offer help, this is what a doctor at Doren had to say.

Brig Gen (Dr) J.A.Aremu (Rtd)Monday, 1 July 2013 15:37:00 GMT-7
Mrs Ibilola Essien, it is good now that your true identity has been revealed. ordinarily doctors are not supposed to advertise hence I will not join issues with you on a faceless internet blog.

I happen to be a visiting surgeon to Doren Specialist Hospital and my attention has been drawn to your malicious publication about the hospital. This has been read by numerous people(as you intended) both locally and abroad.

The management of the hospital including the Chief Consultant Surgeon you alluded to in your malicious publication happens to be a surgeon of over 30years experience.

Dr John Ojukwu happens to be a friend of Doren Hospital and our junior colleague. I doubt that he will make unprofessional comments about his seniors. If you still insist he found Doren incompetent, let him put his report in writing.

I requested to objectively investigate your allegations and I have found out your appendix was actually sent for histology(if you know what that means) and the diagnosis of acute appendicitis and peritonitis was confirmed by professors of pathology. You and your friends may wish to confirm this at Doren (I run my clinics from 10am - 4pm every Saturday at Doren).

It is rather sad that youths of today abuse the internet and under the cloak of anonymity want to bring down and rubbish the hard earned reputation of a highly skilled surgeon. Rather than continue your diatribe and character assassination on the internet as part of the "pull him down syndrome"(PHD), I would advise you go ahead and sue Doren if you are very sure there was a misdiagnosis or other wrong doings. How could you have survived 10pints of drip in one night???

Why does anyone faced with charges of mediocrity think people are out to pull them down? The evidence is right in your face! So many people cannot be wrong and only you right!

What has been your own experience? Who knows whether Doren is now under investigation, or at least has their HMO license revoked?

Like Sarah Ofili and Ikechukwu, Will You Remain Best Friends With Your Ex-Fiance?

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 09:05 AM PDT


Sarah Ofili, model and beauty enterpreneur was a year older couple of days ago and celebrated it with a big club party. Pictures from the event showed that her ex-fiance, musician Ikechukwu was present at the happy. He actually went the extra length and left a birthday message for her on Instagram that said,


"Yo Happy bday to the greatest woman I know and my best friend sarah ofili . God bless u . Ll np"

Now, I don't want to speculate about whether they're a couple again or not, but him calling her best friend in his message got me thinking.

Being friends with an ex is one thing, being BEST friends with an ex-fiance, someone you were engaged to be married to and probably started wedding plans with is a different matter all together. Maybe you guys even talked about how many children you will have, or who the boys will look like. Ahh...

What do you think? Will you do it?

What to Do When Your Man Needs Some Space or a Break From The Relationship

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 06:05 AM PDT


By Eniola Lawal

There comes a time in a relationship when everything seems to be falling apart or already at the verge of doing so, and your partner wants out. Whatever the reason he is giving, you are not happy because even the so-called small issues are big deals to you especially when you value your relationship. But you have to ask yourself, what kind of relationship do you have?


Now, if I haven't mentioned this before, my very bad. Relationships are of two types: you are either going out with a kid who doesn't know what exactly he wants and can't even place why he is with you and definitely will always play around at any given chance (most times wouldn't wait for a chance at all) or a man who is intelligently matured enough to realize what he wants, why he is involved with you, why he chose you and why he must always make it up to you.

When you are dating someone immature, it doesn't precisely mean he is  first year under-graduate, he's always on the rainbow color attires, can't live without his different colors of snapbacks & the hugest frames of ray bans, really dying to have a tattoo of Nicki Minaj's butt on his arm, NO! At the same time, you might not be able to classify dating a fourth year graduate, always in a suit-and-tie, hardly have time to club type of person as dating a man. It's all about the mind and mentality. I may list how to recognize a man from a boy, but that is a post for another day.

Today, we're talking about what happens when these two set of guys need space and why?

1. Why your 'immature boyfriend' needs space: Let's say it is beginning to dawn on him that he doesn't even have a purpose for himself in your relationship let alone you. Maybe he doesn't have the guts to tell you it was just infatuation that brought him closer to you, but he just needs to get rid of you anyway. It might be that he believes your session in his dramatic life is over, to begin a new one he needs to eradicate you completely.

The only way he can do so is by telling you he wants space even though he has no good reason what that space will buy him. What do you do? It pains me to still have to tell you to create a large one for him wherever he wants to go! Just excuse yourself from him and everything that involves him, don't even talk to him! Till he's grown and mature anyway.

2. Why your 'man boyfriend' needs space: Ladies we all know some of us can be tough nuts to crack and no matter how perfect a guy will ever want to claim, some of us will make a mountain out of a mole hill. Your relationship has a purpose, thanks not to only you but your man also, it takes two to tango. If that purpose is missing, you may not want to let go, because you have other reasons why you think it should work.

If in a situation when your man demands for space, that means maybe you both communicate better than you think. But, if he knows you will be hurt, he may never say those words 'babe, I need some space' to your face because he wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. If so, you may have to be the one to decipher his change of attitude and most times his routine with you will change too. If he does say them whether you are hurt or not, maybe he is nonchalant about your feelings at some certain moments.

Here are some reasons your man may be pulling away from you;

- Maybe he thinks you're choking/ rushing  him, which you really might be,

- He might have critical issues at work

- He think you are not fit for another phase in his life,

The least you can do for any of these scenarios is to re-assure him of how you can help rather than be an extra problem. If he likes you and doesn't just want to annoyingly get rid of you, he will ask for space. At this point, don't go all crazy dear, chillax! He is human too remember, and he is prone to mood swings too just as you are, why not be considerate?

So what do you do? Give him the space! By so doing, you give him the liberty of re-sizing his options, re-scaling how much you worth to him, if he's going to be all fine without you. I bet he may soon be back like he never heard the word 'space' before let alone acting the need of one. That means he really never wanted you two apart, he just needed re/assurance of your relationship.


PS - If he doesn't come back, then probably, the relationship was not meant to be.

Quote of the Day - Moving On Doesn't Mean You Forget

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 05:00 AM PDT

Marriage Avowals - Couples Need To Learn How To Talk To Each Other

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 08:49 AM PDT


Ngozi Omolaiye met her husband Gordy in her first year in University back in 1991! The couple have been together since, married for over 15 years. They waited over 12 years after marriage for their child and welcomed a baby girl two and half years ago. In this exlusive interview with RML, she tells us more about their marriage, and what has kept them going so long.

How did you meet your husband?
I met him in Jos through a secondary school mate and friend who happens to be his niece. I had just started my undergraduate degree at University of Jos. My friend was already in the university and living with her uncle. So I decided to go in search of her in her uncle's music studio. There were no mobile phones then and I didn't know if she'd be there but I took the chance. She wasn't there but her uncle was. He gave me a warm welcome and made me feel at home while I waited for her to return.

How long was it from when you first met till he proposed?
Hmmm, you know it's been a long time. I met him since 1991, so I don't really recall. But I think it was about a year later. We always knew we were meant for each other from the first few months after we met.

How did he propose?
There wasn't really a formal proposal per say. Like I said we always knew we were meant for each other and started talking about our future from the early days of our meeting. But he kind of made it formal by asking his niece to be present when he was making the 'proposal' formal. He didn't know how she'd take it, being my friend and his niece. But she took it well and told us we are both special to her and mustn't break each other's hearts.

What made you fall in love with him and decide to say yes?
His demeanour, his whole disposition. He is such a gentleman, calm and collected – a lot like my dad. I always prayed I'd find a gentleman like my dad. He met all my criteria and with a yes from God, I was bold to say yes.



What's one change you've made for your spouse?
It's actually quite funny. Not cooking my soups with stockfish. Can you believe that Myne? It caused a few fights when we first got married. He can't stand the smell of stockfish – it makes him feel sick. Can you imagine an Igbo lady cooking her soups without stockfish! Hmmm.

How many children do you have and how has this affected your marriage and relationship with each other?
We have a 30 month old daughter who we waited for for over 12 years. She is absolutely delightful and brings us so much joy. She has affected our relationship in a positive way. We now have to consider her in every decision we make and work our lives around her. We can't just up and go like we used to. We are loving every bit of parenting.

What was your last fight with your husband about?
It's been long we had a lovers tiff. When you get to understand each other better, the fights lessen. I think the last one was about travelling – my hubby doesn't really like to travel. It was about how we'd plan our future holidays and I said now we have a daughter, once she gets older, we should plan to go on vacation every year. He said it doesn't have to be a ritual etc. It went on for like 30 minutes. We were with friends so they kind of helped end it. But we sorted it out when we got home.

Which do you fight over more - money or chores or children?
This may sound unreal but we don't fight about any of them. We've got a mutual understanding and have a motto, "We are in this together". Without knowing it we've spilt the chores to what comes to us naturally.  I manage the money and cook and we both clean. He does all the DIY and mows the lawn. We share caring for our daughter equally. When she was a few months old, we took turns sleeping so no one suffered sleep deprivation. As mentioned earlier, travelling is usually where the fight originates from.



What's your perfect date night activity?
I think it's between curling up on the settee and talking endlessly and going out to a quiet restaurant to share a meal and talk. We talk a lot - that is to each other.

When was the last time you went out on a dress-up date?
I can't recall the last time – it's been so long ago.

What do you think is the "key" to a successful relationship?
Honesty and being able to communicate with each other. Couples need to learn how to talk to each other. It solves most problems that come up in relationships. Don't hold back. Be honest. You are one, so why should you be dishonest about things? Finally, couples should learn to be more vulnerable with each other. It helps you to bond.

Funny - Tonto Dike Lifts Her Husband on Their Wedding Day

Posted: 25 Oct 2013 11:22 AM PDT


Of course it's a scene from one of her movies, The Illiterate. The scriptwriters sure have a sense of humor, and Tonto too for going along with it. And she must be strong too, or the guy is a lightweight, lol.... Tonto shared the throwback picture today on Instagram with the caption, "Am jux a local Champ** ... #tbt"
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