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Friday, September 6, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

Good Guys and the Friend Zone: Fact or Fiction?

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 02:04 PM PDT


By Eky Shirley

This is a sequel to Good girls like bad guys; Fact or Fiction?

I have to mention that it was sparked by a conversation I had with a certain young man (a good guy, I`d like to think), on Saturday night. He had not even seen the previous post but it was the subject of our discourse. He, is of the opinion that girls no longer want gentlemen, bu prefer 'thugs with money'. Furthermore, that gentlemen are quickly relegated to the FRIENDZONE.

I am of the opinion that many guys get 'Friendzoned' because they do not speak up. Mayhaps (I love old English), they have dropped hints that went ignored; then they keep being a friend in the hope that, someday she`ll have an epiphany and you'll just appear before her in mental TV screen, with Boyz II Men`s 'I Finally Know' playing in the background. If so, wake up dear brother; that happens mostly in the movies. You have heard the idiom"the best place to hide is in plain sight", right?

However, his arguments got me playing devil`s advocate with myself. What if truly we have come to abhor true gentle-manliness and treat it with disdain? How come many young men who still know and practice chivalry, can't get the girl they want, but watch her fall for the wrong sort of guy; only to have her come cry on their shoulders, when it topples like a game of Dominoes? Have we as a society, truly lost all value for decency and etiquette?

Girls and guys, let me know your opinions please. You know I look forward to learning from you.

_________

I'm a young lady who likes heated discussions. Also check out my blog for more hot topics.

Would You Wear A Red Wedding Gown?

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 01:01 PM PDT


Many people who commented on a similar post about Black Wedding Dresses [see post] responded in the negative, but what if the color is red? Some will say red is a vibrant and lively color unlike drab, mournful black. Would you wear it?

What if the designs of the dresses are as beautiful as these ones here, will that change your mind?


PS - Check out other non traditional brides, here, and Ufuoma Ejenebor's Gray and White gown, here.

Saying Thank You and The Power of Appreciation

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 10:48 AM PDT


One thing about appreciation and saying thank you is the ability for it to make a positive impact on relationships. If there's any danger in most relationships is how very quickly things can become routine, and "Oh wow, you really did this for me? I'm blown away!" becomes "OK, you did this. Neexxxtttt!"

From there on, it's can be a short step to being taken for granted, with all the problems that come with that. But if you show sincere appreciation for even the small things that others do for you - if you're specific not just about what you're thanking them for, but why you're thanking them for it - you not only let them know that you value what they've done, but you also remind yourself of the value of what they've done. This makes it less likely that you'll take them for granted.

Many years ago, when I was still in Uni, I and several room mates were having a lively discussion about the cleaners who cleaned the hostel environs. One of us had observed that in spite of the advanced age of some of them, they still did a meticulous job.

"In fact," he continued, "they should really be thanked for being so diligent about their work."

At this comment, a noisy disagreement broke out. Some guys argued that they were supposed to do this work; they actually being paid - yes, given money - to do this 'meticulous job', they didn't deserve anything above and beyond that. Others countered that argument by saying that by showing appreciation, it would encourage the cleaners do their job better. I instinctively sided with this point of view, but I couldn't help asking myself: what really was the point of saying 'thank you'? Wasn't the money that the cleaners got a show of appreciation, anyway?

Fast forward to the present, and with the passage of the years, I can say that I am much firmer in my appreciation of what thank yous can achieve. I have seen how sincerely showing gratitude a person on the way they look, the words they say or the work they do brings a sparkle to their eyes and a spring to their step. It doesn't even matter whether someone else has already complimented them; the one thing that people seem never to get enough of is sincere appreciation.

There's still that argument that you shouldn't say thank you to someone for doing what they're supposed to do - after all they have done 'nothing special'. The impression then seems to be that appreciation should only be reserved for truly heroic deeds. Well, I don't know about heroism, but what I do know is that if I see someone doing something that makes a material positive difference in my life and the lives of others around me, I want them to keep on doing that thing. And I know that one way I can encourage them to keep on doing what they're doing is to let them know that what they're doing is truly appreciated - no matter how mundane it is, no matter whether it goes above, below or around the call of duty.

You'll notice I've used the word 'sincere' with 'appreciation' a lot. Yes, there is such a thing as insincere and even stupid appreciation. I'm not going to feel anything if someone praises me for my bushy afro - those of you who have seen a picture of me will know why. I'm going to be puzzled if someone says that they like how sharp my elbows are. The thing is, there are things that people care to be recognised about more than others.

So appreciation at its most sincere requires you really taking the time to get to know the person you are thanking; getting to know what things they care about, what those things are all about, and why they care about them. This sounds like hard work, but if you really care about the person you're saying thank you to, then the payoff in the form of a closer, warmer relationship is worth it.

In conclusion, I say long live appreciation and saying thank you! May we continue to use it to season the lives of those near and dear to us. And thank you for reading :)

Atala

An Arranged Marriage At 17, Divorced By 31 - My Experience By Amara Blessing Nwosu

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 09:11 AM PDT


I was reading further on teenage marriage and abuse in Nigeria and came across the story of Ms Amara Blessing-Nwosu who was made to go into early marriage for her father/ family considerations. She was married for 14 years, during which she had four children - two boys and two girls - but the marriage collapsed 5 years ago due to abuse. Amara is now a writer and relationship consultant, counseling young people on relationship and health issues, and managing an NGO, the Dorcas Generation Initiative.


Life as a young girl
I was born in a village – Ihiala, in Anambra State, where I also spent my early years. I attended Community Primary School and Girls High School all in Ihiala before I got married.  Thereafter I attended Yaba College of Technology to read Business Administration before I went to the University of Lagos in 2000 to read Curriculum Education.

Her truncated dreams
Before I got married at the age of 17, I got admission to read Medicine and Surgery at the University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus (UNEC), but my husband then (now ex-husband) stopped me from fulfilling my dream of being a medical doctor.

Family background
I was born into a good Christian home. My father is a pastor and had been a pastor for 45 years.  I have six siblings, and I am the first daughter and the third child.

Married life
I got married at the age of 17, just after leaving secondary school to Mr. Ulasi from Nnewi because they are our family friend. So, it was like being pushed to a total stranger; somebody I knew nothing about. I never enjoyed the marriage from the first day. I did not even know the man because, as a Christian I believe that I should not live with a man before I got married. I got into his house three days to our wedding here in Lagos.

Family's role in her early marriage
My father initially refused the marriage, but he later agreed in order to protect his relationship with my ex-husband's family. My former husband's brother was very close to my father and was always coming to my father for prayer and counseling. My father was just there as their family pastor. So, they pleaded with him to give them his daughter and that was it.

Experience during marriage
In fact my pains started two days after the wedding. While the marriage lasted, there was nothing like happiness. I was in the marriage for 13 years 10 months. I don't like remembering those years because it was years of miseries and pains. I was dying inside and people were seeing just the wealth, the beautiful cars, the holidays abroad, the treats and all that. It was only my very close friend, who knew what I was going through, but I couldn't tell anybody because of my kind of upbringing. I was brought up to keep my home and was committed to just doing that.


Life as a counselor
People were bringing their own wives for counseling, especially from the church and the estate where we live. People were coming to me with their problems, but I just couldn't disappoint them. I think God took me through it and brought me out. For me to be alive, without scars on my body, is a miracle. If you look at the things God is using me to do in the lives of women in relationships, you will know that God used that experience to prepare me for the job ahead.

I have four kids-two boys and two girls. They are now with me, because the court gave me custody of the children. I spend about 1.2 million every term for their education because my ex-husband has never contributed anything for the children's upkeep since we separated about three years ago. I don't want to fight him. I have decided to take my eyes away from man and focuses on God. God will always make a name for Himself. I have wonderful friends that help out too.

The Dorcas Generation Initiative is something I am passionate about; I always have this soft spot for widows and the less privileged, even when I was still married. I started that between 1998 and1999 when I joined a women fellowship. I was the vice president and later president. In that fellowship, we experienced what is happening in our churches these days - where the rich are separated from the poor. I started wondering why do people turn their backs against the poor people and treat them as if they are animals. I would leave my house to visit them in their houses from one room to the other, putting smiles on their faces.

I remember sometimes during fellowship days, when I would carry them from their homes, because I wanted to create an atmosphere where they know that they deserve better lives and treatment.
That was how it started and they became very close to me and I saw myself bringing them into my house, cook for them, started businesses for some of them, spend time with them, counsel them and give some money.

So, that is how it started and in 2009 some thing happened when I was locked out of my matrimonial home because of a girl friend, who sent my former husband a text message (SMS) that she wanted to become Mrs Ulasi.

When I was locked out, I remembered those women fasted for me for three days. The whole widows fasted and prayed for me for three days. When I heard what they did, I was touched that this women loved me this much to have done that.
When I came out of my marriage, I found myself spending more time with them.

Life after separation
Between 2008 and 2009, I was not my self. With all the sponsored negative publications and everything, I had to withdraw from public engagements. But my mentor, Senator Babafemi Ojodu,  encouraged me to start writing then.  He also called me and say, this your thing about widows why don't you make it official since you have passion for this. That is how the Dorcas Generation started


Her new books
The titles of the two books are: Men's grooming and Women's grooming. The book is a compilation of my write-ups on relationship, health tips and lots more.

Advise for younger girls
I have a column for singles on facebook , where we discuss a lot of issues bordering on relationships. By the second week of December, I will start a monthly conference for singles as well as a television programme. This is because a lot of things are going wrong when it comes to relationships.
Many are attracted to the wrong things and people get into relationship for the wrong reasons. Ladies should look for a man, whose heart, God had touched. It is not about being spiritual; some
people are spiritual, but their hearts have not been touched by God.

In fact, most very spiritual people do not make good husbands. I tell people to avoid very spiritual men as husband, but rather look for men, who genuinely love God and have conscience.
For women, I tell guys that look at the physical beauty, not get attracted to the wrong thing. It is not about beauty or education; look for women, who have found favour before God.

When I left Unilag and my husband stopped me from working and going for my Masters, I noticed that I have this flair for anything beauty and human body and that is why initially, I wanted to go into Medicine. I later took up interest in setting up a beauty spa centre, called Life Plus Gym and Beauty Spa Ltd.

Plans to remarry
I don't know how God healed the whole thing. Now I have this kind of heart that there is no room for enmity, malice and bitterness in me. It has really helped me. Bitterness can only keep you down. That is what I tell people that come to me for counseling.


I can re-marry, but I am taking my time, because getting married as a single mother with four children is not easy. It is not about money, in fact to be frank with you, I don't even want to get married to a rich man again, because I have seen money and I have seen the pains.

If you are married to a rich man, who is your friend, he will treat you well, but I want to get married to a man, who is my friend. And until I get into that level with a man, there is nothing like marriage with me. Getting married is not just about me now, it is also about the children, because I have to get married to a man who will be a father to the children and love them genuinely.

You can find out more about Amara Blessing at her website

Couple Love - Lara George Shares 9th Anniversary Message For Her Husband

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 10:47 AM PDT


"It was 9 years ago when we first looked into each others' eyes and said 'I do.' Wow! 9 years ago! Seems like just a heartbeat passed since i said yes to you my love.

Olowo ori mi; my sugar, my baby, my bobo, my friend, my husband and so much more. I celebrate our love today in a very special and brand new way. Nobody said it's been easy peasy lemon squeazy... but it's been special, and I am grateful to God for you.

My Olugbenga George- I am honoured to be your wife. I pray that this will only be the beginning of more greatness to come for me and you together as one. While in this life, nothing will separate us in the name of Jesus. And humbly... so very humbly, i accept this love from you because it is such a beautiful thing.

I look forward to such more beauty ahead. May God restore for us the years that the cankerworm has stolen. May peace surround us round about and may our children be blessed beyond our wildest imaginations. May you and I together grow and mature to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ and may we be all that Jehovah has called us to be.I love you my darling. I truly do. I just wanted to let you know today especially (even though it's coming a day late). I will always love you. Happy anniversary!"

Toyin Aimahku Gets Surprise Birthday Cake From Her Husband [Pictures]

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 02:00 AM PDT


Yesterday, 5th of September, Toyin Aimakhu was one year older and her new husband, Niyi Johnson celebrated it by presenting her a couple of birthday cakes, one had the inscription 'HBD to my lovely wife.' On set with them at the time was Doris Simeon and others. Wishing Toyin many more years..

Quote of the Day - True Love Will Never Let You Go

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 09:11 AM PDT

Movie Trailer - Jennifer Hudson is Winnie Mandela

Posted: 06 Sep 2013 04:27 PM PDT


This movie has been a while coming but it will be in Theaters before the end of this year. Jennifer Hudson portrays Winnie Mandela in a drama that chronicles the life of Winnie Mandela from her childhood through her marriage and her husband Nelson Mandela's (played by Terrence Howard) incarceration. It would be interesting to see the similarities and difference with Idris Elba's Mandela.



Plot Summary:
When Nelson was imprisoned for protesting the brutal Apartheid government, Winnie worked tirelessly to win his freedom and to carry on his message of peace and equality.

Her struggle to keep the Mandela dream alive was rewarded by years of persecution and imprisonment, including 18 months of solitary confinement. Throughout, her resolve to fight for her freedom, her family and her country never wavered. Her leadership and unconquerable spirit caught the attention of the world and earned her the name "the mother of the nation."
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