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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Romance Meets Life

Romance Meets Life

The Shocking Rape Story of Ethel Joan Nwadike by Moses Idahosa in Benin - It Was All Fake

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 04:51 PM PDT

FAKE!

The story spread like wild fire on several blogs about a week ago. While I read it on Ladunliadi's Blog as a true life story; without any names or pictures, I assumed it was a made-up morality tale to discourage aristos and run's girls. However, I have only now found out that several other blogs shared the same story with the picture above, and Ethel Joan Nwadike named as the victim, Moses Idahosa Idahosa as the rapist and her email as Haleyanderson48@yahoo.com. All are fake!



Above is the lady in the picture used to sensationalize the rape story. The lady in the picture above, who is actually dead now, was Olori Bolanle Adepoju, the wife of the deposed Deji of Akure.

Below, you can see the original images in their real context. The Deji had Bolanle beaten up and hot ashes poured on her wounds. Bolanle reported her abusive husband to the police and these pictures were taken while she was in hospital, and after she was discharged.




So obviously, the picture is not of Ethel Joan Nwadike. But is there even an Ethel Joan Nwadike? Google says that apart from this viral story, she does not exist.

Who is behind that email? I sent an email to that address since this morning, and have received no response.

There is actually a Moses Idahosa on Facebook whose profile picture matches the image used by Osun Defender and other bloggers to propagate this story.

However, that Moses Idahosa is not in hiding as purported by the story. He still goes to work as testified by his friends and colleagues, and his wife and children are not being held by the police.

In fact, he has refuted the story thus: "please note i am unaware of these stories and i implore the well meaning people of Edo State and Nigeria to please disregard the stories being circulated."

I am usually one to champion survivors of rape or abuse, but at the same time, I strongly believe that only truthful stories should be told. There are enough true stories that we do not need to fabricate scenarios to make a point. When those fabrications are for the purposes of pulling down another human being, that is an even bigger shame, and should not be tolerated.

I urge all bloggers who syndicated this story to update it speedily with the facts. If Ethel Joan Nwadike is real, then she should come out ith her real pictures and the true story of what actually happened.

Whitney Houston's Wax Figure Unveiled in Madame Tussauds London Showroom

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 04:08 PM PDT


Madame Tussauds, the premier showrooms for wax figures of stars, celebrities and notable figures around the world has added a waxwork of Whitney Houston to their collection. Unveiled yesterday October 21 in London, it shows the actress and musician in a gold sequinned gown, arms outstretched and looking up into the distance. And she looks so real!




The London Gospel Factory Choir were on hand to person at the waxwork unveiling. Whitney Houston died in February 2012 from complications related to drug use. She was 48.

It is Not a Woman's Weakness That Makes a Guy Abuse Her But the Fear of Her Strength

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 03:01 PM PDT


I've also been in an abusive relationship, my ex was psychologically and emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative and we were just dating! I think the only reason he did not try hitting me physically was because he was so sure I would kill him if he tried, instead he told his cult friends to threaten to kill me and my next bf if we broke up. He was so charming and I never spoke of the all the things he put me thru.

Just three weeks into dating him, he called me a slut cuz he said one of his friends saw me getting out of a friend's car. I should have known that very minute that he was trouble. I was very inexperienced in relationships. I thot this was normal relationship behavior after all very few people share the really bad parts of their relationships, I genuinely thought I was the problem because before that I had never been in a long term relationship.

I was constantly told that I wasn't a good enough girlfriend and that he would dump me for someone better, I was berated and insulted more often than not and even worse he insulted my family often blaming them for my alleged 'bad' attitude. He brought pit the worse in me with his accusations of cheating and the constant talk of leaving me. There was no love, it felt like bondage, he went as far as reporting me to my friends and when my friends didn't take his side he alienated them.

He always had a sense for when I was close to the edge, then he would be extra sweet and extra attentive and nice, but these moments didn't last.

one day I had simply had enough, I come from a well to do family and I was sure that he had inferiority complex issues about it, he leaned on me financially and I was is personal cash cow, and even after giving him money he would still turn around and insult me, so some days before my birthday I picked a fight with him over money, subconsciously I knew he wouldn't resist the urge to play it out till my birthday, we fought and I said it was over. He cried and begged and called all my alienated friends to help him talk to me, but my heart was hardened, I had finally realized what he was doing to me, he was killing my soul slowly and one day he would hit me and I would think it was ok and that I deserved it.

After I broke up with him he stalked me for another 2 years he called at odd hours of the day, most times he didn't even say anything at the other end, other times he would cry and beg me to take him back other times he would just insult me or my family or both. I was a constant battle to keep my sanity because three quarters of the time he called with a private number. I only got respite when I moved out of the country for a few years I didn't get my old numbers back because of him and sometimes I'm worried he will start stalking me again.

Looking back I recognize that I ignored the signs, the violent temper, this need to be better than me every single time, his rants about how ugly I was. I should have seen him for what he really was but I didn't.

I think the major problem with abuse is that most women don't know the signs to look for, everyone thinks it just starts with the beating, but the beating is the height of the matter, it starts with emotional and psychological abuse the constant need for the abuser to put down the abuse, he resorts to violence when he thinks his words are not working and most women don't talk about it, if they do it's in hushed tones for the fear of being blamed which they are anyways.

Reading about Oma and this story has made me realize it would have been much worse for me, I was just lucky I got out early enough and don't be fooled it can happen to anyone, it's not weakness that makes a guy abuse a woman but rather fear of strength, the man is worried that if he gives the woman leeway she will be strong and that terrifies him it's that fear that makes him abuse his woman he needs to put her down cuz he isn't going higher.

________

I'm so proud of the writer of this comment, which came in here. You are even stronger than you know. HUGS.

October is Domestic Violence awareness month, and I urge anyone who is in a violent relationship or marriage to count the costs and speak to someone for help. Talk to your friend, your family, a pastor or an qualified counselor. You can also contact Project Alert.

[Advice Corner] My Suitor Doesn't Show Up on Google, Should I Let Him Go?

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 04:52 PM PDT


Maybe some of the readers here have done this in the past. I do it all the time. When I meet a man online or offline, or a friend tells me about a guy that they think we should meet, and we later hook up either in a first date or over the phone, I google him once I have his name and surname.


I want to know more about him and be sure that he's a real person. I use Google, Facebook, LinkedIn and even Twitter to find out everything I can about him. But this new guy I just met doesn't appear anywhere online, even google shows no detail of him. Do you think he's lying to me?

Is it possible that in this day and age a person is not on social media, not even on Linkedin and he lives abroad too. Shouldn't any of his links be coming up, like the school he went to, his address, or something?
Should I bring it up with him? Or just let him go?

Couple Love - Amber Rose And Wiz Khalifa's PDA on Her Birthday

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 01:07 PM PDT


Yesterday was also Amber Rose's birthday and she posed for some lovely shots with Wiz Khalifa, who had came home from tour to be with her for sometime. The new mom shared these pictures of herself with her husband and the father of her son, Sebastine with the simple caption, "Husband and Wife". RML wishes them more love and years together!

Family Time - Julius Agwu With Wife and Kids

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 05:45 PM PDT


Julius Agwu shared this picture of himself with wife Ibiere, daughter Zahra, and the newest addition to their family, son, Zadok, with the caption, "Our 1st Family pic in Houston... On Zadok's arrival... Thanx IB for these 2 bundles of Joy... God is awesome!!!"

Please Marry Me! Kanye West Proposes to Kim Kardashian on Her Birthday

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 08:30 AM PDT


Kim and Kanye are engaged! Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian on her birthday, as she turned 33 yesterday Oct 21. He made it a most public proposal by renting a baseball park, major fireworks and a 50 piece orchestra. If they go ahead with the wedding, it will be Kim's third marriage and Kanye's first. Check out Kim Kardashian's 15 carat diamond ring below...




Using San Francisco's AT&T Baseball Stadium, 'PLEEEASE MARRY MEEEE!!!' flashed on the field's scoreboard screen, and fireworks popped off after Kim Kardashian said yes!

The Orchestra played one of my favorite songs from The Great Gatsby Movie Soundtrack, Lana Del Rey's Young and Beautiful and then Kanye West's, Knock Me Down with Keri Hilson.

Congrats to the couple!

Drabble - Unsavoury by Uche Peter Umez

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 01:07 PM PDT


'How savoury is it?'

Chinelo stopped chewing and turned around to see who had spoken to her.

'Too much fat,' the stranger grumbled, scanning the table where the small chops were laid out.

Chinelo stared at the samosa trapped between her fingers and, imagining a speck on her lips, she dabbed it off with a serviette.

'Strange.'

Chinelo gave him a quizzical stare. 'Excuse me?'

He nodded across the room, to where her husband was speaking intimately with the actress.

'I don't know him,' the stranger said, 'but my wife's never seemed so happy…'

Chinelo suddenly thought the samosa was bland. And for the first time in her marriage she feared her husband might be cheating on her.


_______

More Uche - http://ucheumez.sentinelpoetry.org.uk/

Kelly Clarkson Marries Brandon Blackstock in Private Wedding Ceremony - Pictures

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 03:00 AM PDT


Kelly Clarkson had previously mentioned that due to her busy schedulewith her upcoming holiday album, she and her fiance has cancelled their big wedding and were seriously considering eloping. She confirmed via Twitter that they did exactly that. Kelly married her fiance Brandon Blackstock on Oct. 20 at Blackberry Farms in Tennessee after picking up their marriage license a couple of days before that. See her tweets and more pictures below...

Atala Writes - Feeling Free to Make Mistakes or Fail in Relationships

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 05:46 PM PDT


There are many cases in personal relationships where one party feels restricted from saying or doing what they feel like, because they are afraid that the other party will react negatively, justifiably or otherwise. In the end, what happens is that instead of there being a frank and open discussion about what will work and what won't, there's a breakdown in communication which can poison the relationship.

Or it could just be one person, and that person is scared of doing something - perhaps because they have never done that thing before and are afraid of making mistakes. Perhaps, they have just met a new person and there's a budding friendship, but they are paralysed about how to build it into something stronger and more permanent, afraid to communicate openly to that person.

Let me tell a little story. Many years ago, I and a friend got involved in the running of a Nigerian tech startup. It was a novel experience - going from a humdrum existence in a software firm in the UK to being in charge of all kinds of things, like sales, administration, product development, training, business strategy. It was especially challenging, because I was (and to some extent, still am) not a natural fit for quite a few of those roles, and I had never taken on these roles before. But in spite of the challenges, it was an experienced that really helped me to grow in many ways (as most challenging experiences do).

While in this role, one of the things that I noticed was that in many of the companies that we were seeking to have as customers, there was a high centralisation of authority. Before we could get a member of staff to do something, he had to seek approval from his oga. And chances were that his oga had to seek approval from his oga. In some cases, even the 'oga at the top' had to be involved in ultimately granting approval.

This struck me as very wasteful of any of the ogas' times. Wouldn't it have made more sense to delegate more authority to the staff, to make them feel that they had the freedom and autonomy to make decisions on behalf of the organisation? So one thing I tried to do with our startup's staff was to make them feel that they had that freedom and autonomy. And one crucial element of getting them to feel that way was to make them realise that it was OK to make mistakes in the discharge of their duty.

"What?" I hear you say. "How can you tell your staff that it's OK to make mistakes?" In a way, it does sound scary. What if a member of staff makes a big mistake and transfers ten million naira instead of ten thousand? Surely it's not OK to make a mistake then, is it? And my answer would be, no, it isn't. Which is why there is a pre-requisite for giving staff the freedom to make mistakes when they have to make a decision; and that is: ensuring that you have chosen smart, meticulous and dependable staff in the first place, and you have given them the tools, the information and equipped them the skills they need to make the decision.

And I've come to realize since being married for over four years now, that this doesn't just apply to work scenarios only. It is crucual in relationships that each partner feels free to make mistakes, free to fail sometimes. When I see these kinds of scenarios where I see a breakdown in communication, I always think, it doesn't have to be like this.

Again, it comes down to the pre-requisites. In the case of relationships, you have to choose the right person by being the right person, being honest and asking questions. As a couple, this thread has to continue. Each person has to, on their own, try to make the best judgments they can and have the best intentions possible, and communicate to the other that they trust/believe they will do the same.

After that, neither of them should be overly worried about the results of the actions of the other, and as a consequence they will feel freer to say/do what they want.

For the person about to embark on an unfamiliar task, be it entering a new relationship, or saying yes to a proposal, you have to prepare mentally, physically and/or emotionally for this thing you have probably never done, be a couple with this new person, only them will you stand a better chance of not failing.

But even with the best intentions/preparations, I can still fail at something. So what? The chances are that because of the aforementioned preparation/intentions, my failure will be unlikely to be a catastrophe. I can treat the failure as an experiment that didn't work out, and it can serve as an opportunity for me to expand my knowledge, and be a more informed, rounded person.

I can ask myself - What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What wrong assumptions did I make? How could this have been prevented? What new things have I learned, and how can I apply them to other situations? If I view the failure in this light, the chances are that I'm even less likely to fail in future endeavours.

Of course, there's not a lot you can do if the person you have a work/personal relationship consistently continues to make mistakes, in spite of your giving them the freedom to fail. It could be that they are incapable of making good judgments, (in that case, really the only thing you can do is to bear with them if they have some other redeeming features),or they just don't care, and in that case, you have to move on.

So here's wishing you all freedom to do all the things that your hearts desire - even if it includes the odd mistep or two. Because life isn't about avoiding failure, but learning how to deal with it when it happens.

________

To all my fans who have been asking, I'm fine o. Leave a comment to say hello :)

Chizy Kallys is Uptown Girl in Fashion Editorial For Chizy's Spyware International Edition

Posted: 22 Oct 2013 12:03 AM PDT


Blogger and model, Chizy Kalys is the star of a new fashion editorial just released in the run-up to the release of the first international edition of her blog's flagship magazine, Chizy's Spyware. This edition will be available in Nigeria, and launched also in the UK and US.

In this editorial set in an 18th century British manor, Chizy Kallys is styled to achieve a retro look with modern pieces with focus on the use of accessories to compliment the look.
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