Romance Meets Life |
- #ThrowBackThursday - Genevieve Nnaji on Set, BankyW's Baby Pictures
- 10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story
- 9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story
- 8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story
- [Advice Corner] My New Fiance is Very Close to His Mother, Should I Bring it Up?
- The Heartminders Project Marks The International Day of the Girl Child
- Daddy Time - Yul Edochie Happy to Be Back Home With His Children
- Funny - A Man Woos His Lady Using Only Bible Verses
| #ThrowBackThursday - Genevieve Nnaji on Set, BankyW's Baby Pictures Posted: 10 Oct 2013 06:08 PM PDT |
| 10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story Posted: 10 Oct 2013 10:05 AM PDT  My name is Omalinze Okonkwo. I am a 33 year old Nigerian woman, who fled to the US to get away from a violently abusive husband/marriage. It had been hell, pretty much from day one of our 10 year marriage, with lots of hospitalizations and two separations in between. And it was ALL forms of abuse, from physical to emotional to psychological to mental to financial. This is the story of how I left, it was not and has not been easy, but I'm glad I'm free. All that night that we were to leave the next day, I sat up, afraid, sleep far from me, I must have only nodded off at about 4:30am. At about 6am, I was awakened by the bedroom door slamming shut. "Why are your wardrobe doors locked?" he demanded without ceremony. "I think some of my stuff has been missing and I think it might be the TV guys so I locked them." "Well, they are gone now so come and open them." I shakily, said "Do you need something?" and he swung at me but I ducked clumsily. He dragged me to the room, and forced me to open them. Then he asked where was my stuff because my wardrobe looked scanty. I said, I'd given most of them away as I was never going to wear them again. He glared steadily at me and appeared to consider my answer for a few minutes. I'd lost a lot of weight and my clothes were too big. But I'd left everything including my documents and my workout materials and my only set of jewelry because he was constantly going through my things so that must have calmed him a bit. Not fully satisfied, he went to the kids' rooms and opened their wardrobe and didn't seem to notice the few missing things I'd packed because they had outgrown most of their clothes anyway so I hadn't much to pack. Then, he looks around the room slowly and his eyes fall on my suitcases which I had left stacked out in the open for weeks but mixed with my visiting sisters' which were kind of similar. "Why are your suitcases out here?" I said they were my sister's now as I had given them to her. However, he still sensed something saying… "Something is VERY wrong." I was petrified by then and when he tells me to get ready so we could drive to work to retrieve the passports, I knew I was dead. I shakily and silently got in to his car. Till this day, I don't know what happened but about thirty minutes later he said, " I'm late for my meeting. I'll be at your office during the lunch break. Get out." That was all I needed. I jumped out, got on a bike and headed home. I called my sister and asked her to dress the kids up. I threw our half-packed suitcases in my car and grabbed my jewelry and a few home appliances to make it look like I had found an apartment . I hugged my sister ,hurriedly with a promise to email her and and headed for the airport. Even though my flight was at 9pm, I hung around Ajao Estate which was about 40 minutes from the airport area till about 4pm then made ATM withdrawal at a fast food place because I knew he would track it . Hopefully, he would think I'd gotten a place in the area . I was shaky, terrified that someone would see us at the airport and instructed my son to not smile or acknowledge anybody he knew because mummy didn't want to talk to anyone. And as we were checked in, my heart beat a little faster till I thought my heart would explode. And I wasn't any less terrified when we got on the plane or during our 6 hour wait in Amman to transfer to the next leg of our journey. When we got to the UK, I called my brother again so I could go to his flat but his phone was disconnected. After about 4 hours, I called an old friend Id met on my last trip over 5 years back and luckily, she was in town. She came and got me and the kids and took us to her terrace apartment (she was a retired nurse and on a disability leave so she had time). She insisted I stay as long as possible to rest . Apparently, I would scream out in the night while sleeping and she would come and watch me till I fell asleep. I was just beginning to relax until one day, my phone rang and it was him. "You should know by now that I will ALWAYS find you." I hung up,shaking. I immediately told her and we got in the car and drove to a shop where I sold my jewelry and swapped my phone. She loaned me the remainder of my air fare and I got on a plane to another city.Then I took the bus to the small town next to it. After I'd called around and no shelter would take us, I got a BB and paid for 2 nights with the little money I had so the kids could rest and I'd figure something out. Two days later, the kids and I went to the doorstep of the church that I'd heard of during all of my many many online searches. They provide night shelter to homeless people where you have to sign in at a specific time each evening to get space. That is where we have been these past few weeks. 1. How I Got the Courage to Leave 2. How I Met my Abusive Husband 3. A Fatal Kind of Attraction 4. My Attempts to Leave or Separate 5. The Beginning of The Nightmare 6. How I Became A Different Person as an Abused Woman 7. The Red Flags I Overlooked Before my Abusive Marriage 8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband 9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live 10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave _______________ Myne's note - October is Domestic Violence awareness month and Oma thinks this was a great time to share her story and reach out to other women for support and also to encourage others to speak out or take action. Names, Dates and Places have been changed to protect Oma and her children. This is the end of the story and the current situation with Oma now, half on the streets and half in a homeless shelter. Oma is currently in need of help, financial and otherwise and if you're able to, please contact me at myne@mynewhitman.com. We're trying to work as quickly as possible for the safety of Oma and her ability to keep her children. |
| 9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story Posted: 10 Oct 2013 10:02 AM PDT My name is Omalinze Okonkwo. I am a 33 year old Nigerian woman, who fled to the US to get away from a violently abusive husband/marriage. It had been hell, pretty much from day one of our 10 year marriage, with lots of hospitalizations and two separations in between. And it was ALL forms of abuse, from physical to emotional to psychological to mental to financial. This is the story of how I left, it was not and has not been easy, but I'm glad I'm free. After the incident where he tied me up and threatened me with a knife, I decided I had to move out but I knew the only way to make it safely and with my children was to leave the country. And I decided to get as far away as possible because I figured the Western world offered d me more protection in terms of police/government and even individual intolerance of Domestic Violence. I'd stopped going to NGOs that were supposed to provide free legal help (they always said "Go home and pray. It is well."), I stopped going to marriage counseling ("I can't make a grown man stop doing anything.") I stopped asking my sibling who lived in Canada for help.(They had told my husband that I might be trying to leave the country so I seized my passports and the kids as well as all my documents like my birthcertificates, results etc). I'd even stopped trying to kill myself (I'd become so despondent before then, not knowing whether each day was going to be my last with my kids or if Id live to see them grow that I'd decided to speed up the process and had one time driven my car into oncoming traffic and another time drank industrial strength pesticide). I figured I was going to die on his terms so why bother. But with the mark slowly healing on my leg, I knew I couldn't stay for him to kill me. I needed to be alive for my children.I needed to leave this man and take my children with me. I watched and waited till I found out where he had hidden our passports, then started sneaking out his documents required to apply for a VISA. When I felt I had gotten enough, I snuck them out as well as all four passports and sent in our applications. Because I couldn't risk him finding out, I paid for the priority visas which was cost me about 200k to get in about 3-5 days. Now, in all of those days, I lived in terror of my life. I would hide a knife in my pants and as soon as he came in for the day, my heart would fly into my mouth and I'd be pacing around, peeping through the keyhole, making sure the kids were with me at all times. Each time a text message or phone call came to any of his phones, I would start to shake because I thought he may have tracked the transaction and would find out my plan. Each time he looked my way or came into the kids room where I'd been living for months, I would literally feel my knees buckle and my heart race. And I'd hover around extremely nervously until he would turn in for the night. I would leave the door unlocked and would park my car outside the gate and when he questioned me, I said cos I had early-meetings. We did this macabre dance for about 10 days especially after I had picked up the passports. I started trying to book an airline ticket to the UK online. I had eventually found a booking for Ethiopian air and was to leave that Friday but my daughter became ill and so I had to wait because I knew it was almost a 2-day journey and I couldn't strain her that way. I had to switch to the next Friday on Air Jordanian. I chose Friday because he typically stayed out till late Saturday and sometimes early Sunday, partying so I would have time. And his security man ,who watched me lie a hawk,would go to the mosque from 12 to 3pm. On the eve of the day I was to leave he came home and watched TV for a bit. Then as he would occasionally do, he walked to the safe where he hid the passports. With each step he took, I saw my life flash before my eyes, my ears were ringing and I thought, "This is the day I die!". His room was quiet for a while then I hear the door burst open and he roars my name. I had already edged myself and the kids downstairs, pretending to hang out the laundry. "Where are the passports???!" he hissed through narrowed eyes. I look outside and the kids were already near the gate . I answered shakily… "At work." "How ? Why?" "You gave them to me the other night when you got in from the club, remember? I told you my boss liked me and wanted to slot our passports in with hers to apply for a South African VISA." I lied weakly. He stared at me steadily for a few minutes and when , for the first time I didn't break down and blubber out the truth, he gritted out, "Get them back as soon as she's done." And he storms back to his game. "Sorry. I will, Im sorry." I whispered to his back. It was just one more day. 1. How I Got the Courage to Leave 2. How I Met my Abusive Husband 3. A Fatal Kind of Attraction 4. My Attempts to Leave or Separate 5. The Beginning of The Nightmare 6. How I Became A Different Person as an Abused Woman 7. The Red Flags I Overlooked Before my Abusive Marriage 8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband 9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live 10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave _______________ Myne's note - October is Domestic Violence awareness month and Oma thinks this was a great time to share her story and reach out to other women for support and also to encourage others to speak out or take action. Over the next few days, you'll read more of Oma's story. Names, Dates and Places have been changed to protect Oma and her children. Oma is currently in need of help, financial and otherwise and if you're able to, please contact me at myne@mynewhitman.com. We're trying to work as quickly as possible for the safety of Oma and her ability to keep her children. |
| 8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story Posted: 10 Oct 2013 10:02 AM PDT My name is Omalinze Okonkwo. I am a 33 year old Nigerian woman, who fled to the US to get away from a violently abusive husband/marriage. It had been hell, pretty much from day one of our 10 year marriage, with lots of hospitalizations and two separations in between. And it was ALL forms of abuse, from physical to emotional to psychological to mental to financial. This is the story of how I left, it was not and has not been easy, but I'm glad I'm free. You've read the part where I tried to leave and my own mother threw me out? The thing about this whole abusive relationship thing is that the pain that's felt the most isn't the one from all the blows and punches. It's the one in the heart. I can not put into words the gut-wrenching, heart-rending,nerve-splitting anguish that comes with the knowledge that your tormentor is the same person who swore in front of hundreds of witnesses to "Love and cherish". There are no words to describe the dismal darkness that just descends on your world like a thick,wet blanket,threatening to choke out the very essence of your existence. You have two choices: sink or swim. And it is not often that women in these situations get the opportunity or the strength to swim. Because it's not only your man that you have to stand up to/against: - There's the police who are VERY reluctant to get involved in these matters. - AND the sad judicial system who offer little to no protection to these battered women and what little norms/laws that are in existence are almost NEVER enforced. - AND society which not only condones these heinous acts but actually encourage them. You have no idea how many seemingly respectable people that said things like "Are you Obasanjo's daughter that makes you think you shouldn't be beaten?" (this was from my MIL) or " You are his property now so it's his prerogative to do with you as he wishes.". Or "Stop doing the things that will make him beat you now". AND the church which should be a place of refuge but turns out to be the most unwelcoming , judgmental place of all. I've been preached at , told that if my walk with God was perfect then none of those things would be present in my family, that the Bible says to be submissive so I should try being MORE submissive and given a list of verses to read. I'm not discounting His power but at the time, I needed a practical coping mechanism and thought that seeking counsel from those ordained by Him to "watch over his flock" was a good idea. Instead I was told to "pray away" my issues. AND the most demoralizing of all is family and friends. A lot of parents do not want to be smeared by the shame of divorce in their family so much so that they don't face the reality that their daughters could be killed by their spouses/ (which usually ends up being the case). I recently had my husband's childhood friend call me and try to convince me that my husband was an angel and I must have done something to him to have him beat me to a pulp. When I insisted and asked him if he thought it was ok for his friend to touch me, his reply was " If you had a househelp whom you've warned repeatedly to dry the bathroom floor and she keeps on disobeying you, wouldn't you beat her?" I was stunned into silence. I had been reduced to the level of "housegirl " by my husband to all who knew me. I had lost every shred of dignity just because I was in love with someone. So,when these women run to the people who should offer protection unquestioningly ,they usually get admonishments and are returned back to their "homes". A lot of times , I hear people ask these women derisively , "But why do you go back? You must enjoy it abi?" Well, there's your answer. It's important to know that women in these situation have self-esteem/self-worth issues from these intimate attacks and need at the very least, a hand to hold on to as they get the courage to walk away. Plus, Nigeria is, for the most part Patri-lineal (to the best of my knowledge) so rather than risk losing custody of kids, they stay so they are close to the only ones who give them some measure of comfort. So, when you live in an unforgiving society such as ours with zero-support system, your options are pretty slim and you go back to the only one that will have you back! 1. How I Got the Courage to Leave 2. How I Met my Abusive Husband 3. A Fatal Kind of Attraction 4. My Attempts to Leave or Separate 5. The Beginning of The Nightmare 6. How I Became A Different Person as an Abused Woman 7. The Red Flags I Overlooked Before my Abusive Marriage 8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband 9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live 10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave _______________ Myne's note - October is Domestic Violence awareness month and Oma thinks this was a great time to share her story and reach out to other women for support and also to encourage others to speak out or take action. Over the next few days, you'll read more of Oma's story. Names, Dates and Places have been changed to protect Oma and her children. Oma is currently in need of help, financial and otherwise and if you're able to, please contact me at myne@mynewhitman.com. We're trying to work as quickly as possible for the safety of Oma and her ability to keep her children. |
| [Advice Corner] My New Fiance is Very Close to His Mother, Should I Bring it Up? Posted: 10 Oct 2013 02:08 AM PDT  My last relationship did not end very well. He left the country without telling me and decided to stay there. He basically broke up with me on the phone. This was over a year ago, and thank God its over though cos I always doubted his honesty. I met someone else after that and we are recently engaged but I need you to please help me ask your readers for their opinion on the issue with his mom. He's God fearing, loves me very much but. 1. He talks to his mom at least 30 mins every day. 2.He insists that we live just 15mins from his parents house. 3. He wants us to attend their Church but I have kept my foot down to say no way. A part of me feels like she'd intrude and poke her nose in our marriage a lot. Do I bring it up with him? I don't want to have to fight for his attention. Help please. Thanks. |
| The Heartminders Project Marks The International Day of the Girl Child Posted: 10 Oct 2013 02:00 AM PDT On December 19, 2011, the United Nations General Assembly adopted Resolution 66/170 to declare 11 October as the International Day of the Girl Child, to recognize girls' rights and the unique challenges girls face around the world. For its second observance, this year's Day will focus on "Innovating for Girls' Education". The fulfillment of girls' right to education is first and foremost an obligation and moral imperative. The international day of the girl child initiative began as a project of plan international non-governmental organization that operates worldwide. The idea for an international day of observance and celebration grew out of Plan International's Because I Am A Girl campaign, which raises awareness of the importance of nurturing girls globally and in developing countries in particular. In the light of the above, The Heartminders project, through the Naija Teenz Cub will be joining the rest of the world on the 11th day of October, 2013 to mark the International Day of the Child with a one hour seminar.  Speaker - Professor Ajike F. Osanyin from University of Lagos, Venue - Queens College, Yaba, Topic - GIRL POWER: ABOVE AND BEYOND THE LOOK. The general public is invited to this seminar. |
| Daddy Time - Yul Edochie Happy to Be Back Home With His Children Posted: 10 Oct 2013 03:51 PM PDT  Yul Edochie is the son of Veteran actor Pete Edochie, and a Nollywood actor in his own right having won the City People award for best actor recently. Actors are busy people especially because they often have to travel to other locations that may be different from where they live to shoot a movie. Yul lives in Lekki, Lagos with his family and after he returned from Enugu where he had been on a movie set, he tweeted, "So happy to be home. Missed my kids!" See more pics below..   |
| Funny - A Man Woos His Lady Using Only Bible Verses Posted: 10 Oct 2013 12:03 AM PDT This is a fun read, and especially for the ladies who want a god-fearing man. If a guy walks up to you like the guy below and responds to all your conversation with bible verses, wouldn't you just fall in love with him? Some lines in the Bible sure are toast-worthy. Read, memorize and share :)  Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: Nope;I don't want to have a boyfriend. Boy: Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said,"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Girl: But I don't love you. Boy: 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." Girl: And how do I know you mean those words? Boy: Matthew 12:34 "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Girl: But how can I be sure that you're loyal and honest? Boy: Mark 13:31 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Girl: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there! Boy: Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Girl: But what is in me that you like? Boy: Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Girl: But I'm not all that beautiful…you 're exaggerating. Boy: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Girl: What happens if I say yes? Boy: Genesis 2:24 "Therefore man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Girl: How come you know the scriptures this much? Boy: Joshua 1:8 " This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and you will have good success." Girl: wooow, I can see u really love God. Boy: Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. Girl: hmmmh! Ok please give me time to think about it. Boy: Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Girl: aw! I love you already Boy: Revelation 22:21 "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen!" Via - Letsgist |
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